Posted on 12/23/2011 11:35:25 AM PST by Feckless
A young boy goes up to his father and asks him, ‘Dad, what is the difference between “potentially” & “realistically”?’
He thought for a moment, then answered, ‘Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’
So the boy went to his mother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The mother replied, ‘Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!’
The boy then went to his sister and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The girl replied, ‘Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?’
The boy then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
‘Of course,’ the brother replied. ‘Do you know what a million bucks would buy?’
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The boy replied, ‘Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three million dollars. But ‘realistically’, we’re living with two hookers and a queer.
Obama walks into a bar, got a great big colorful parrot on his shoulder.
Barkeep walks up and says,”Man, that’s really cool. Where’d ya get it?”
Parrot says, “Africa. There’s millions of ‘em.”.
One day a man went to see his doctor complaining about severe migraine headaches.
After a long examination the doctor told the man that somehow his balls were pressing very tightly against the base of his spine and this was causing the man to have migraine headaches. The doctor concluded the balls would have to come off.
The man thought this was rather drastic, so he went to another doctor for a second opinion.
“Your balls are pressing up against your spine causing the headaches,” said the doctor, “The balls will have to be amputated.” Finally the man decided to have the operation. He went to the first doctor and had it done.
Two years passed and the man was walking down the street when he came across a tailor’s shop. Wearing the same thing he had been for years, the man decided to go in and get some new threads. The tailor took one look at the man as he walked in and said,”I’ll bet your pants size is 36x32.”
“That’s amazing,”said the man,”how on earth did you know?” “I get paid to know these things,” replied the tailor.
After he was fitted in pants the tailor looked at the man and told him exactly what his shirt size was without measuring him once. “That is just too cool! How did you know?” asked the man. “I get paid to know this kind of stuff.”
Pretty soon the tailor had the man decked out in a full 3 piece suit with a rather smart hat to go with it all. Not once did the tailor measure the man for his clothes. “I get paid to know these things,”is what he would say.
After all that the man decided he wanted some new underwear to make him comfortable in his new suit. “I’ll bet you wear 36 medium,” the tailor said, eyeballing the man. “HA! You’re wrong!” said the man, “I wear 34 medium!” “That’s ridiculous,” replied the tailor,”if you wore size 34 medium underwear, you’d press your balls way too tight against your spine causing severe migraine headaches.”
Joe Biden walks into a bar...and wakes up in the hospital with a concussion.
Guy walks into a bar...
http://news.yahoo.com/deputies-man-returned-beer-bank-robbery-105014656.html
The first guy reaches into his wallet and begins to count out $100 bills. He stops and says to the guy, “Ya know, how do I know that you're not just going to use this money to gamble with?”
The other guy says, “Oh, I have gambling money”.
When the man starts to leave the bartender says,"Are you going to leave that lying there?"
The man then says,"Thats not a lion,it's a giraffe."
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The response: “Four more years!” (Thank You, Donald Trump!) Not funny!
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