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Posted on 01/13/2012 4:55:13 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Personally, I think EVERY day is a good day not to be a lumberyard...
Its a job. Decent owners, OK bosses and not too bad pay.
Better than wearing a hairnet and asking people” You want to super size that”.
Or sitting at home, drinking a 40 of OE and planning a drive by.
But your first comment was about BEING a lumberyard.
;-)
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while...then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asks..... “What does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said.. “Oh, that’s so lovely.. What about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone”
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.
Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker.
“He’s just decomposing!”
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin & the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed & threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”
A large mysterious cod appeared & said, “Your wish is granted” & lo & behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) & Justin found life as a shark boring & lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again
& he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod & begged to be changed back, & lo & behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends & bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn’t see his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
“He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark”,came the reply.
Eager to put things right again & end the mutual pain & torture, he set off to Christian’s abode.
As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door & shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out & see me again.”
Christian replied,”No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, & I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”
Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed....I’ve found Cod. I’m a Prawn again Christian.”
Jeff Beck - I Ain't Superstitious
As I was driving into work this morning, a black cat crossed the street ahead of me. Seemed like he was in a hurry; he must have a lot of paths to cross today or something...
Well, this used to be funny ~heavy sigh~
My name be Eboneesha Hernandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who jus got a award for bein the bess speler in class. I gots a 67% on the spelin text and 30 points for being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs to class, 5 points for not bringin guns to class, and 5 points for not getin pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%. White dude who sit nex to me is McGee from Jaxon Mizipy. He got a 94% on the text but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to tank all yo Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin afermative axion. You be showin da way to true eqwallity. I be gittin in medicol skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor when Barrac take over da healfcare in dis contry.
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