FIRST!!
Mugawd, IBTP at last, babee!
WOOOOO HOOOO TGIF TOP 10!
Do chevy volts come equiped with cruise ‘control’ ?
My daughter says, if everybody is in control, then nobody is in control....what does she know? She’s only 15.
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.”
No one moved. The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared...
_____
Oval office answering machine....
You have reached the office of the President of the United States. President Obama is either away from his desk or not in the Oval Office at this time. At the tone, please leave your name, your telephone number, the size of the bailout or earmark that you are seeking and the aggregate dollar amount of your campaign donations to date.
_____
Here's lookin' at you....
Most of you should appreciate this...some won’t have a clue what it’s all about!
According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids
in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived.
Our baby cots were covered with brightly colored lead-based paint which
was promptly chewed and licked.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent ‘clackers’ on our wheels.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding
in the passenger seat was a treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.
We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop
with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one
actually died from this.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top
speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running
into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.
We did not have Play-stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99
channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones,
no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.
We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again.
We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it.
We walked to friend’s homes.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and
although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out,
nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.
We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you’re one of them. Congratulations!
Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real
kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
_____
The aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, to the student from the University of Houston, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” replied the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” the professor asked of the young lady from Rice.
“Elation,” said she.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas A&M. “How about the opposite of woe?”
The Aggie replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
______
He's nuts over her.
