[thefactor]

From a frat brother who was from central NY:

That's about as useful as hen shit on a pump handle.

[RC one]

yer about as handy as trapdoor in a canoe.

[llevrok]

From western Washington state (as a boy)

Now you're loggin' with steam! (as in doing great, In the real old days, logging was done with mules, ox and a lot of grumpy Swedes before steam power was introduced.