"he's like a ______ in jail, he ain't goin' nowhere"
someone who isn't moving fast enough:
"Damn boy, yer moving slower than pond water" or, alternatively:
"damn son, yer moving slower than a ___________ looking for a job"
someone moving very quickly:
He's moving like a ________ chasing free cheese.
something that doesn't make any sense:
that's as wrong as two boys f***ing.
slower than yesterday’s gravy