My family did not use many of these phrases. They came from my husband’s family—Southern Ohio, Southern Indiana...
Close, but no cigar.
He’s a few bricks shy of a load.
Her elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Crooked-er than a dog’s hind leg.
Go pi$$ up a rope.
“If my dog had your face I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.” (Also from husband’s family @ reunion)
a few french fries short of a Happy Meal
You think he’s stupid, you should see his brother—he walks like this.
He’s so dumb he thinks an innuendo is an Italian suppository.
Too poor to own a dog.
My mother used to say “If we had ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs.” (Said rarely, only at appropriate moments.)
Russell Baker about his uncle or father (can’t remember which) when it was 30 below and he had to go outside to feed the animals or whatever: “There’s a right smart o’ wind out there.”
“Crooked-er than a dog’s hind leg.”
So crooked, he could stand behind a cork screw and not cast a shadow. (From my high school biology teacher)