Posted on 11/19/2012 1:19:23 AM PST by MacMattico
You apparently tell your teenage daughters that asking for help is a sign of weakness and to deal with it on their own.
That your help is a form of “cocooning”
I just wonder how many parents of girls who have been molested, harassed, raped or worse would have welcomed
their daughters confiding in them that some man who they were alone with made them feel “uncomfortable”, and asking for their help We read so many cases of predators and abusers who take advantage of girls and women who are unwilling to speak out and seek outside help, and it almost always starts with the girl (or woman) having a bad vibe
I guess we have to disagree.
I would never leave my teenage (or adult) daughter to deal on her own with an adult male authority figure after she confided her discomfort and asked for help
Didn't say that. Read my other comments on this thread, like #50.
Dealing with "creepy" people is a part of life. Girls need to learn how. Parents can help, guiding them on best techniques for dealing with guys. Eventually, though, one needs to stand up for one's self.
While we're having a thread about teen girls being protected from guys who just give them a "creepy" feeling (but have done no overt action to justify it), 18 year old guys are in combat and expected to deal with people trying hard to kill them.
Does she paint? Have here create a portrait of a wild eyed, heavily muscled, tatooed biker holding a shotgun. She can turn it in and tell the teacher the title of the piece is “Daddy.” After turning it in, she can tell her teacher “Daddy intends to meet you.”
You can’t talk to your kids?
One method is getting adults you trust to stand up for you, believe you and deal with the creeps.
Some women have such a shy and timid personality that they are lambs to be slaughtered. You can’t just tell them, toughen up and learn to deal, because they can’t anymore than a real lamb can stand up to a real wolf.
if your niece feels creeped out when she’s alone with the teacher I suggest the following course of action. She should wear a blouse she doesn’t care for with a tee shirt underneath. When alone with Uncle Creepy, she simply tears it from the neck, screams and runs to the office
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Really? Your best suggestion is that the young lady make a false claim of attempted rape? So hope your “solution” was tongue in cheek.
If not, you will have created a new problem for the young lady .... filing a false police report. She will break down and tell the truth eventually, and her credibility shot.
How ‘bout the first thing we do is to meet with the teacher, the young lady and the teacher’s boss? Maybe take the direct approach before inventing sexual assault stories.
The bottom line: our instincts are not there by coincidence or accident. Too many girls and women are injured or killed because they turn down the volume on their instincts since they want to seem "nice" and not make trouble and not hurt anybody's feelings.
If your niece is creeped out, pay attention. She could be wrong, but the downside of being wrong is trivial. The downside of disregarding a legitimate warning from her innate instincts could be far more serious than inconvenience or hurt feelings. She MUST learn to politely and firmly insist on maintaining her own level of security.
I know how you would deal with it and it wouldn’t involve just telling our daughter to buck up and to put up with the creep. ;)
Thank you for the recommendation. I’m heading to the library in a few minutes and I found that they have a copy. I have one teen daughter and another who is 8 years old.
Having been an overly sheltered middle-class kid, I had to find out the hard way that you need to stand up to creeps immediately. It’s a horrible, hard lesson to learn. I hope this girl makes out well!
A lot of girls don’t learn it, they are life’s victims. Doesn’t mean the rest of us should stand there doing nothing but judging them for being “weak”.
This girl has turned to adults to help her. They need to help her, not stand hands on hips and say “learn to deal with it”.
Not all girls are “Buffy, the vampire slayer” and frankly the chronic portrayal of buff women kicking even buffer guys’ butts gives a lot of people some really stupid ideas about women and girls taking care of themselves that pretty much flies in the face of real world experience and the totality of human history.
Glad to help. This is not a book for kids, though. You must read it—it’s for adults. Gavin de Becker is an international security consultant for people who might be in danger of terrorist attack or kidnapping. The advice he gives is intended for private individuals.
Excellent post. Thank you. Very wise.
I agree with you!
“This is an incredibly vulnerable young girl.”
Technically, she’s a young woman. This is college we are talking about here, so she is an adult, unless this is a Doogie Howser deal.
The bulk of the time, the women are injured or killed by their thug boyfriends who they are just head-over-heels in loooove with, rather than "creepy" middle-aged teachers.
My niece signed up for what should have been a simple, easy "A" grade HS class.
That reads high school to me.
If you're referring to the girl who is the subject of this thread, this is a situation in high school. I'm guessing senior year since the class in question is an elective.
Oops, my mistake, you guys are right.
Yes. Or by stepping out into the darkness of an empty parking lot after working a late shift. Or when deciding whether a date can come in for coffee after he takes her home. It's at those times that our instincts shouldn't be suppressed; we should pay attention to the warning bells that go off. Too many women ignore the warning signs because they want to seem nice, or avoid charges of racism, or want to be helpful. They feel guilty even for having such uncharitable thoughts.
Several months ago a friend of mine was raped in a very pleasant, low-crime rural area. The perp was a business contact. While she was being sewn up she reflected bitterly that she should have paid attention to the bad feeling she got.
Probably there's nothing wrong with the teacher. But I had a seriously creepy teacher myself once, long ago, and he did turn out to be a real problem. Yes, they're out there. And I agree with you that convicting the guy before he has said or done a single thing to this girl is profoundly wrong and is typical of liberals. For all we know the girl is being hysterical.
But let me ask you: if the guy is a creep and he bothers this girl, wouldn't it have been easier to avoid the problem in the first place? See, what sets off alarm bells for me is the guy's insistence on being alone with this girl for an art class. I've never heard of this in art instruction given to a high school kid. It's bizarre. And this is a subject I know a little about (art, I mean).
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