Executive Order Holds Guns Accountable (parody)

Saying he was unwilling to let what he called a “lazy-a** Congress” go on a Kwanzaa break without doing something to end gun violence, President Obama on Friday wrote and signed Executive Order No. 57-ought-nought, demanding that law enforcement officials in all 57 states immediately arrest any and all guns believed to be used in crimes.

“This will get those dang guns off the street,” the president remarked as he signed the order, which was written on a cocktail napkin from the Kappuhualuhannilannamaliki-aha Hotel where he, the family and their entourage of 700 personal assistants, servants, cooks and interior decorators were staying.

Some Republican critics immediately criticized the order in a critical fashion, which other Democratic critics deemed overly critical.

Nonetheless, the critics of the first part noted that the executive order was unclear on whether the president meant to say law enforcement should arrest all “guns” or “gun owners,” primarily due to a large water ring left on the order by the president’s fifth papaya-mango daiquiri of the morning.

“What the ****?” said congressman Paul Ryan, furrowing his Eddie Munster-like brow into a full vampiric scowl.

Democratic Rep. Barney Frank also commented on the new executive order, but no one could understand what he was saying above the wet, flapping sound of his jowls. His office later released a statement in which he wrote, “It’s about time we put the blame where it belongs, on the weapon, not the weapon’s user. People don’t kill people. Guns kill people.”

Former speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, when asked about the president’s executive order, jumped up and down and giggled hysterically for several minutes before saying, “I just bought a gun recycling plant last week. I can’t wait to cash that check!”

Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid’s only comment was “Huh?” as he slipped back into a coma at his desk behind an inbox overflowing with unread budget proposals.

The executive order would also hold bullets and high-capacity magazines accountable as accessories to a crime.

Frank said he was glad that targeting scopes were exempted from criminal responsibility under the new law of the land. “Let’s face it,” Frank said, “targeting scopes are kind of gay. Therefore they must be given special consideration.”

Under the executive order, guns convicted of a crime would be melted down and turned into speculums and other probing devices for use by the TSA at airport inspection checkpoints.

A few days after the tragic Sandy Hook school murders, a young Marine in fatigues stationed himself at the front entrance of the Nashville elementary school his two children attend. Another parent heard him admit to a reporter that he was unarmed. The other parent commented that, even though the young Marine standing guard was not armed, it made him “feel better” to know he was there.

It’s often been observed that “perception is more important than reality”. The observation is often correct. It is never MORE CORRECT than for those we’ve come to call “liberals”. I prefer “statist” but “liberal” has morphed from its classic meaning to the other end of the spectrum so I’ll stay with it.

Since these folks operate almost entirely on EMOTION and FEELING, REALITY seldom allows FACTS to intrude upon the delusional worldview they have constructed and the comfort that provides them. It is that illogical, irrational and delusional mindset that prompts many of them to continue to quest after a Utopian society. The thought that such a society can and will never be achieved in a fallen world populated with failed sinners never penetrates whatever remains of their cognitive consciousness. It’s a DANGEROUS WORLD and, as the liberals continue to “define deviancy down”, it becomes more dangerous daily.

There is another, far more sinister, level of the “liberal” call for gun control.

It was Mencken who offered that “The urge to save humanity is most often a false front for the URGE TO RULE.” He clearly had been a student of the liberal politicians of his day. Were he alive today and able to observe the likes of Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein, Obama and the rest, he’d almost certainly have used far stronger language to frame his sage observation.

To conclude, dozens of studies reveal the FACTS concerning gun control. Those FACTS are that where firearms are widely and READILY available to law-abiding citizens, CRIME GOES DOWN! The liberals who willfully ignore the FACTUAL EVIDENCE and continue to call for gun control (i.e. the DISARMING of DECENT CITIZENS, thereby denying them the ability to exercise their God-given right to self-defense) are those about whom Mencken wrote: Their goal is NOT about preserving life. It is about the hell-bent pursuit of the impossible to achieve Utopian world where all are equal but some (that’d be THEM) are MORE equal than others (that’d be US).

There are many PRO-RTKABA videos on You Tube that your often busy lives don’t allow you to find on your own. Search there for “Gun Control”, watch them – and, more importantly – SHARE THEM with the folks in your orbit.

We’re in a fight. And losing will ultimately cost us much more than our right to our guns.

Dick Bachert 12/19/2012

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