When I went through my divorce a decade ago, I had heard so many similar horror stories from co-workers and my (now ex-) wife was acting so irrationally that I made sure never to be around her without having at least one witness along.
The only other defense I would have had was my two kids who were both in college at the time. Neither of them would have bought the story that I had abused her, and I think she knew that.
You bring up a good point... The kids. My kids were no dummies, and my ex that I had them with didn't get too stupid, the divorce was a civil as any divorce can be...
But today? When the kids are older? My youngest (married with kids herself) now understands what was going on a lot better. We've kept our close relationship.
You can't fool the kids over the long term.
/johnny