I have heard of false memory syndrome, but I’m not a big believer of that. I don’t know about the church or the people involved in the “inner healing” counseling either.
It is possible that she is telling the truth. It’s also possible that her parents didn’t know it was going on, but that would be less likely, imo. Even if they didn’t know precisely what was going on, I would tend to think there may have been signs that a parent definitely could overlook.
As for being married for 40 years, I can’t count that personally as a reason to completely believe their claims over that of their daughter. So many things are screwy like that - particularly if there was/is some sort of abuse or dysfunction.
If I were in their shoes, I would believe my daughter over the son, but that is my opinion, and I don’t know what, if any, other behaviors the daughter may display now, or may have displayed in the past, y’know?
I will say that I had to cut my (adopted) father and sister out of my life completely due to the health, safety and well-being of myself and my family. I kept in touch with my mother and sister until my mother passed, but at that point other things came to light that gave me no alternative.
I’m sorry to hear you know a family that is dealing with so much pain in their lives. I’ll say a prayer for all of them... It’s a horrible thing to deal with, that’s for sure. I hope the daughter is at least seeing a reputable therapist now who will help her address her anger, and resentment, and come to accept the things she cannot change, and find her happiness again. A good therapist might possibly be able to tell if she’s been manipulated in any way. I don’t know if there’s a way to inquire about the people in the church, or those who ran the retreat, but perhaps it would be possible to discover if there have been any other similar circumstances that do not go along with statistical likelihood? It is important to keep in mind though that the statistics of female abuse victims is quite high these days.
Recovering memories of abuse in a woman’s 30s is not uncommon at all - particularly if she has a child that is right around the age that she was first abused. There is also the possibility that she has remembered all along, but just recently found the strength to tell.
Sorry so long... I’ll say a few prayers for you, too as I imagine it’s hard for you to deal with the situation seeing all the pain as well. If it truly did happen when both she and her brother were young I hope that there is some way they can work through things. Nothing is worse, imho, than a family torn apart... :(
Wow, thank you for all your input. It does help me get a different perspective on what my sister and her family are all going through.
My sister did not work when the children were growing up and was a consistent (evangelical) Bible study leader etc. No one ever drank or even smoked. She cannot believe she wouldn’t have known something was wrong. However the father did idolize the son and try to live all his own childhood dreams through the son via sports etc. Boy could do no wrong but rebelled when older. The girl was so sweet and kind and smart and beautiful.
Only the two kids know for sure what happened but in the meantime a whole family is devastated.
I have been thinking that since it was in my eyes physically impossible for the boy to act this way that it was probably false memories but it looks like I could be very wrong.
Thanks again for all your time and imput.