Hello Regis:
Just wanted to write to you 5 points in response to your ‘unhelpful’ ‘wish list’. What do we look for in a woman?
1. Submission is key
I know I’m going to get flamed here. Are you willing to submit to your church? To your husband? When it is called for are you willing to sit down and say, “I might not agree with this - but I will do this because this is the right thing to do”. Submission to proper authority is hard. It requires someone to come down and say, ok, you are my husband. Am I willing to trust in you enough to follow along with the decision that you made? Gut check time. Easy enough to demand confidence without the concamitant exchange. What makes a guy confident? Knowing that his woman has his back. What makes a guy insecure? Knowing that his woman isn’t willing to do what it takes in the crunch. Want a guy who’s confident? Don’t undermine him to ‘get your way’. Why are you not getting confident men? Probably because you aren’t giving them support. Really easy here - If a guy asks you out - and shows you a good time, do you take the time to thank him for asking you out? Or do you cancel on him just before the date comes. Would you put up with the guy cancelling on you? Then don’t do that to the guy if you want a confident one. Showing guys respect is really super easy.
2. Respect
This gets into point number 2. Look at CS Lewis and what he says about, “there are no ordinary people”. Do you live that way in your own life? Or are these just ‘guys’ out there that come and go as you please? Gut check time - we look for respect - to men and to what we do in life. Sure, we work hard and earn money. Do we get much respect from society for it? No. Are we going to put up with lack of respect from our wife/girlfriend for it? Also no. Respect is earned, not automatic. Earn respect by showing it.
3. Be a woman of virtue:
Do you have kids by another man? See, here’s the thing I see all the time. Women expect that their business is just that their business. When it comes to the men - they expect and demand someone who puts them first, after having already had the party scene for, say 10+ years, they ‘go straight’ and then decide this is what they want from a man. Well, that doesn’t work that way. Have you waited until marriage? I’m waiting. Are you? If not, why not? Do y ou think it’s fair to demand someone who’s ‘morally upright’ while turning a blind eye to you and what you’ve chosen to do? Now, maybe you aren’t like most women out there. Maybe you don’t have a history 10 pages long, wonderful. Some of us *are* willing to look past these things, but here’s a clue - most of us who have waited aren’t really happy with the whole situation of being asked to look after someone else’s kids because you think we’ll make a good husband.
4. Rightly ordered priorities.
I’m putting this one up there. If you want something you go get it. I want to be married. Am I looking? Hell yes. Do I make that clear? Hell yes. Does that save me enormous amounts of time? Also hell yes.
See, many women like to play around and keep ‘options’ open. This way they get to do plenty of things without commitment. It’s a great strategy - except for when you hit 40 and can’t have kids anymore.
You want something - go get it, simple as that. Should I apologize for being blunt about what I want and being direct about it?
I see this many times. Many women don’t understand what’s the most important thing in their life, and the first thing that they should be working on. So they spend their time working on things that aren’t directed to what they want out of life and then putting the time in towards it. What are your priorities? How are you going about and accomplishing these things?
5. My final note is, look sharp.
We men aren’t shallow because we overlook the women in sweat pants or who do the tube-sock/flip-flop combo… you look like a slob, that’s why we overlook you. If you want to attract a man, be attractive.
:)
It's worse than that: for many (if not all women) this may be an inclination set by generations of natural selection: make babies with the sexy bad boy, then find a "nice guy" to marry and help you spend your resources raising the other guy's kids.
(Or sometimes marry the "nice boy" first, then have sex on the side with the sexy bad boy during the time of the month when pregnacy is the likely result)
I'm not saying women consciouly plan this strategy, only that evolution has imbued them with behavioral responses to situations such that the sum of those behaviors can lead them into playing-out such a strategy for reproduction.
If your self-esteem depends on a woman's behavior towards you, then it isn't self-esteem to begin with.