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A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner “how much”, and the owner replies “$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it.”

The guy says, “forget the story”, and buys the rat.

As he’s walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, “Ah!, so your back for the story”.

The guys says, “No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?”

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?”

The man thought a moment then replied, “A martini please.”

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?”

The man answered “oh, about 164.”

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-steller space travel, the latest medical break throughs, etc.

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? “A Martini please.”

Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ sir?”

This time the man answered, “Oh about 100”. So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ??”

This time the man drawled out “Uh, ‘bout 50.”

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,

“A-r-e y-o-u s-t-i-l-l g-l-a-d y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r O-B-A-M-A?”

Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
Answer: Lonely.

U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn’t know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

“And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”

Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland “

Barack said, “No problem, I”ll take you there on my Airforce One airplane.”

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan”s shoes.”

Barack said, “I”ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!”

The third kid said, “ I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”

Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don”t look like you”re handicapped.”

The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!”

It is winter time and the President looks outside and sees that someone has urinated the words “Barack Sucks!” on the snow in front the of the White House.

He is furious so he gets the FBI to investigate it. After a week, the head of the FBI comes in and says “we’ve analyzed the situation and we have good news and bad news for you”

“Well, what’s the good news?” the President says.

We did a DNA analysis, and it’s from Vice President Biden.

“That’s terrible news!” he yells. “What is the bad news then?”

“We also did a handwriting analysis, and the handwriting belongs to Michelle”