The 5.56 is plenty capable of rapid incapacitation, the issues revolve around bullet design. The original M-16 barely stabilized the bullet, so it often tumbled resulting in large wound channels and plenty of energy transfer. Not all that accurate, but if you hit the target results tended to be pretty good.
Once the bullet was better stabilized, it tended to pencil through. That's the source of the complaints you're citing.
I think the Soviets have a good bullet design for the AK-74 that will fly properly, but tend to tumble and fragment after impact.
There is at least one good military option for the M-4, the SOST round recently adopted by the Marines. The Army, on the other hand, may be in trouble with their most recent design, the M855A1, which also happens to be lead-free.
The M855A1 looks to be a turkey, costing twice as much as the SOST round, and running at 63,000 PSI which halves barrel life. It's also pretty poor at armor penetration.
Civilians have a lot of fine options for 5.56 bullets, as well as even better AR chamberings like the 6.5 Grendel.
I have one chambered for 6.8 SPC...the ammo's pricey, but I do like the round.