Skip to comments.Adopted girl says mother forced her to dig her own grave
Posted on 09/09/2013 6:09:18 AM PDT by don-o
A Tennessee woman says that when her adoptive parents gave her away to new parents at age 14, she and 17 other adoptive kids in her nightmarish new home were sometimes forced to dig their own graves in the backyard and scrub the floor with toothbrushes.
Get out and go dig your own grave, Nora Gateley, now 26, says her new mother told her. I dont care if you die. Nobody will find you. You were not even here in the first place.
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Americans have adopted nearly a quarter million children from overseas since the late 1990s, but sometimes the children have undisclosed physical or behavioral problems, and sometimes their adoptive parents simply cant cope with their new responsibilities.
An investigation by Reuters in partnership with NBC News has uncovered an underground world of re-homing, where parents give their children to new caretakers, sometimes people they have met only over the internet, with little or no government oversight.
(Excerpt) Read more at investigations.nbcnews.com ...
BUT, this makes me sad and angry. One of the two or three best things we ever did was to adopt a "special needs" boy from Russia.
A person who would mistreat one of these little ones....
What would Jesus do? Well, He did mention heavy weight around the neck and a visit to the sea bottom.
Lord have mercy ping.
In this country, people care more about their cats and dogs than about children nowadays, as evidenced by window decals I see.
This is a reminder that there will always be monsters out there that treat children badly. We need to appreciate the parents who are trying to do right.
I would need to hear more about this. This girl may have Reactive Attachment Disorder and one of the manifestations is “crazy lying.” Also, I met a woman once who fostered children who had killed others. She was amazing, highly trained. She would have four or five at a time. She said one of the things she would do is keep the child busy and working all the time. I do remember the scrubbing the kitchen with a toothbrush. I also remember that she had a pile of rocks in the back yard and the child would have to carry the rocks from one side of the yard to the other.
I just recalled something from the past that bothers me as I recall it. We became acquainted with a family through involvement in pro life. Went to dinner in their home. Their children were shockingly skinny. I mean tending to emaciated.
When we made some reference to that, they made some vague reply that seemed evasive. In retrospect, I maybe should have pressed on that. I told myself that they were active in a church (not ours), so “someone” would surely be aware if anything was amiss.
But, I am not sure that assumption is right.
We’ve got a society where SOME people have most everything but want more. Some are still unfulfilled and are looking for something else. They think that maybe a new child will fill their lives. It’s almost like a new toy to some of them.
Given the results of "government oversight" of children in places like Romania, China, or Florida, we have to question whether more of it would be of the slightest benefit to any children.
Sounds like Daddy was in the army...
And doesn’t realize little girls are not grunts in basic training.
She almost certainly did/does have RAD which was why her first family dropped her off in the first place. However, if there are arrest records and recordings there may also be some truth to what she is saying.
We have both adopted and biological children. My wife was the iron in the family. Those 3 kids were broken and she helped them heal. Today, they're all responsible adults. It's unimaginable to me that someone could adopt a child from another country and just abandon her with someone else. However, I was never my children's primary caretaker and never really bore the brunt of attachment issues the way my wife did.
Those 3 kids = our 3 adopted kids
I guess government want oversight of parenting now
Its called making fire wood.
I can address that directly. It isn’t a toy they are looking for but ‘love’. They adopt because they expect that child to provide them with undying loyalty and devotion, lots and lots of devotion and gratitude. In other words, the child’s duty in exchange for having a family is to provide the woman with an endless source of narcissistic supply. I lived it and as an adult I saw it in the woman who lived across the street. Come to think of it, those kids seemed too thin also.
There's nothing wrong with your imagination. As the original poster alluded to: consider the source.
Nobody goes through the procedural kabuki dance required to adopt internationally, then "just" abandons the child. That's not going to happen without major league family trauma, and probably not without other siblings who are having their home life ruined by the "problem child."
I agree with you on that but I’ve seen some women want a child because one of their friends had a child. It’s almost like a one-upsmanship.
In either of these situations, the woman wanting the child isn’t doing it because of the child.
Thankfully, there are a lot of great families that do adopt children.
have you ever adopted?
No, I was adopted as an infant. I lived the situation, I know her motives. In the 19 years I lived at home my dad spoke up for me one time, telling her “Can’t you see she is hurting? I have had it with the way you treat her.” But that was the only tome.
The first night this 16 year old Liberian girl was with her "non-legalized adoption" "re-homing" family, her new foster parents had her in bed with them and the "foster" mother was naked. One of their "family friends" who helped them get these kids, is now in prison for trading child pornography.
Children are being traded back and forth as if they were "nuisance pets". No lawyer, no judge, no home-study, just notarize a "power of attorney" transferring custody, hand the kid over at a truck-stop rendezvous, and there you are.
I won't write any more, it just makes me sick.
But how could you intervene? There's no evidence of wrongdoing. What do you do, call the DHS and say, "Can you come out and look at these kids? What's the problem? Oh, I don't know: they seem skinny and unusually quiet"?
That was 24 years ago. Disturbing memory.
Right you are.
“I agree with you on that but Ive seen some women want a child because one of their friends had a child. Its almost like a one-upsmanship.”
No that’s called maternal instincts kicking in and hormones being affected. I see that every place I have lived. One women gets pregnant and they all do. Like pregnancy is contracted in the drinking water. I honestly believe this is why God made babies so cute, to make women want to have them.
Perhaps for your situation, but don't think for a minute the perceptions of a child are qualification to assess even a slice of the pie.
Adoption, particularly international adoption is not something that can be accomplished without tremendous commitment by the adoptive parents, and can not be airily quantified with quips and snark.
While my little family is a joy everyday, I know of other families who once shared our joy then suffered emotional, financial, and familial collapse after adding one more child with attachment disorders.
I find it profoundly interesting that you are so quick to dismiss the child’s experience and perceptions as invalid.
Don't be. I have first hand experience of how those perceptions can change throughout life, as well as a broad contacts in the adoption community, both adult and child, adopting and adoptee.
And frankly, adopted kids can be just as melodramatic as any other kids.
I am 68 years old. I have four children and seven grandchildren. I was adopted at eight months by a woman who was both paranoid and an alcoholic. Since we are discussing human beings here, let’s acknowledge that everyone is human and nobody is perfect and very abusive people have slipped through the cracks and been allowed to adopt children.
I hear a distinct hostility toward children in your comments. Please deal with it.
No, what you hear is a hostility to faux "experts" by virtue of their upbringing.
One does not become a military genius by serving under a smart general...
“One does not become a military genius by serving under a smart general...” The wise do.
No they don't, but the foolish "think" they do.
You ever hear anyone say "let me through, my cousin's a doctor?"
As an adoptive parent and grandparent, I know how much trouble it is to adopt. And yet, in many cases, it's not trouble enough. My own belief - for which I have no statistics - is that the more particular the family is about their prospective child, e.g. girl, white, non drug exposed, etc. the less equipped they are for the hand they may be dealt.
We have been involved for years with Children's Hospital of Philadelphia International Adoption Clinic. We talk frequently to adoptive parents and we've even given some respite care. We have seen parents who think behaviors like food hoarding can be fixed through punishment. And we watch those cases spiral downward until disruption ultimately becomes necessary. We have seen parents struggle with RAD and we have seen parents help their children heal. Although we never received a formal diagnosis, there is no doubt that our three suffered with varying degrees of attachment disorders, manifested in very different ways. In my opinion, nearly every child can heal in every family if the family is willing to compromise their strict preconceived parenting ideas.
All parents should be ready to lay down their lives for their children, adopted or biological. That said, every person has a breaking point and a broken child may cross that parent's line.
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