Yes, I have a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo ZJ. That is the kind that climbs over rocks.
I’m so tempting of fate, it has street cruising ties on it.
-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
“-Would this make a good car for my daughter? Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance. Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in the back for that little bastard she’s dating to try anything.”
Well...not entirely true. I did the deed back high school with my ex-GF’s Jeep Cherokee owned by her dad. If it folds down, yer’ good to go XD
EPIC!
Good machine, bad fuel mileage.
Mine never got over 15 mpg, despite efforts to improve.
LOL
ROTFLAMO!!!
If I lived back in OK I’d buy that POS. Would be perfect for fishing, caving, hiking, etc.
Being it’s in Enid it does bring back memories of this hotter I use to date from there.
Long drive from Tulsa to see a girl but, she was worth it.....
Til I got sick-O-her-Shiite....
She was babelicious but, spoke English...I guess. Sometimes couldn’t tell when she yelling 120 mph, with gusts up to 180...
Good ad; made me chuckle.
I’ve never owned a JEEP, but a friend of mine back stateside always told me if I ever got one, get the in-line 6. Very reliable engine.
He’s been a private auto mechanic for at least 25 years, and he’s worked on probably every kind of car there is, even Lamborghini. The only car he won’t work on: original VW Beetles. He hates ‘em, lol.
1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!
$1750
Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this ...”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 ...”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
DETAILS:
-I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don’t know, I’m not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it’s empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven’t fixed it.
-Driver’s side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn’t matter
A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don’t want to replace them I will.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven’t upgraded because I had plans:
Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17” Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
Life got in the way - it ain’t happening.
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter’s idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick ass, so there.
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can’t justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
-What’s wrong with it?
Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver’s side door cosmetic issues.
And it’s pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.
-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy the Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.
-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
I haven’t had the time to do so. So I am selling it.
-Can I put a 6” lift and giant tires on it?
I don’t give a shit. But be sure to use quality components and for God’s sake - get it aligned after a lift!
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in the back for that little bastard she’s dating to try anything.
-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I’d drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.
-Will you take a check / cashier’s check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don’t show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’t running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you’re an asshole - then no sale.
-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
WELL DONE!
Hilarious!
This guy is a terrific writer, good enough that he’s probably a professional. I’d love to know who it is. Probably a Freeper, or should be.
That was poetry. May he rest in the halls of Valhalla.
Wimp.
If you're ever down on life, just check the links above and listen to these tunes. The lyrics and delivery are genius. LOL.
My ‘95 Cherokee is sitting in the driveway with driver’s front on jacks. Need to replace the hub and can’t get the damn thing off. All the bolts are out and it’s frozen solid.
LOL!!
Bookmarking.
I like this guy.
He should copyright this. Awe-inspiring. My testosterone levels rose while reading it.