Posted on 01/03/2014 7:05:30 AM PST by Lucky9teen
A doctor from France says: “In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work.”
A German doctor comments quietly: “That’s nothing! In German, we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks, he is looking for work.”
A Russian doctor says boasting: “That’s nothing either! In Russia, we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks, he is looking for work.”
The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: “That’s nothing, my colleagues...you are way behind us! In the USA, about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls...we made him President of the United States, and now, the whole country is looking for work!!!!”
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!"
"Great Nancy, but how?" asked Harry.
"We'll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter and pick up a Labrador retriever.
Then, we'll go to a nice old roadhouse in Texas and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working middle-class people living there."
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Odessa, Texas. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"
"Yes we are!" said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."
They ordered a round of Lone Star beer for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out.
A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Oh, hell no," said the bartender. "Somebody's running around town tellin' folks there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"
I can’t stop watching! lol
Hi, there, Lady Jag! Wanna buy a burka???
All good suggestions.
Just got off the phone with a cousin who lives in Scotland.
She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping far below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunkard in.
I went on line to sign up for Obamacare. The first thing I needed was a password, so this is how it went ....
“You must enter a password to proceed.”
-roses
“Sorry, too few characters.”
-pretty roses
“Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character.”
-1 pretty rose
“Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.”
-1prettyrose
“Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters.”
-1friggingprettyrose
“Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character.”
-1FRIGGINGprettyrose
“Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.”
-1FriggingPrettyRose
“Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters.”
-1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourButtIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessRightFriggingNow!
“Sorry, you cannot use punctuation.”
-1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourButtIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFriggingNow
“Sorry, that password is already taken.”
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