from my recent experience of talking to friends in troubled marriages, i think that sitting still for that behavior guarantees that it will continue ad infinitum. objectively speaking, it seems there needs to be something to break the pattern, the “abused” spouse needs to do something somewhat dramatic to call attention to it. my friend has said that her husband has been on better behavior lately bc of ways she is reacting. her therapist has said that it indicates that he is nervous [i would spell that nervou$$$]. her response is too little too late. she sat for the abuse for a long long time, unwittingly even, though in retrospect it is very obvious.
When my husband and I first married I would tease him about a few things - and he finally told me he grew up with a Mother who would tell anyone, anywhere teasing things about the kids. He said it was humiliating and he didn’t like it. Joking is one thing, but when it crosses the line to something humiliating, or meant to be, he wasn’t going to have it in his life. Now this guy is not a weenie, as you know, so I quickly realized his childhood was not what mine had been. I have always appreciated him talking to me about it instead of letting it fester and become a problem.