Top Ten IBTP!!
STANGER
And top 5....happy frozen friday
Sir! Will do Sir!
Sir
Top ten?!
you're an ambulance
The Apple
A woman went through a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car.
Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said;
“Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
She replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
Adam ate the apple, too!
Men will never learn!
My word is star.
Computer is slow this morning, since it is updating software.
Have a good weekend everyone! And to all those enduring Arctic temps, stay warm!
Top 25
Summer
The Gospel according to Titleist:
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
~ Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~ John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
~ Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
~ Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~ Bishop Sheen
11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye
14. I’m hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~ Billy Graham
16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain
18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~ Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
~ Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
~ All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian
AND FINALLY...............
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my penis’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.’
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.
Star.
