I lost my beloved girlfriend to cancer 4 years ago.
She spent the last 4 weeks of her life in hospice, and 3 of those weeks was in and out of lucidity — in the end, all we could do was give her a morphine drip to stop the pain, be present, and keep her clean.
The night before she died, I was alone with her (I was sleeping in the room with her most nights). She was not really conscious most times. I had read that with end-stage terminal people, one thing to do is to give them permission to go. So I told her how much I loved her, and held her hand, and told her it was OK to let go. And then after a while I went to the bed I was staying in.
I suddenly woke up at 4:43am and noticed I wasn’t hearing her breathing. When I went to look at her, she was gone.
When I reported that to the staff, they told me a nurse had been into visit her at 4:30am. I always think that she left and woke me up on the way out.
There’s really nothing you can do, except keep them comfortable, clean and pain-free, and let them know that you love them, and give them permission to go.
“There’s really nothing you can do, except keep them comfortable, clean and pain-free, and let them know that you love them, and give them permission to go”
Excellent advice...but add Pray.
Do not be surprised if you find yourself constantly checking to see if they are still breathing. This can be especially frustrating with people who stop breathing for several minutes and then start up again. Just relax and allow the process to unfold.