Posted on 05/18/2018 2:46:13 PM PDT by sodpoodle
A FReeper, an illegal immigrant and a socialist are walking down the beach.
One of them finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops a genie.
G: Thanks for freeing me from the lamp. I’m in a hurry, so I’ll give you each one wish.
II: I’d like all my brothers and sisters to be free of the oppression of ICE and all the Yankee Gov’t.
POOF!...and he’s gone!
FR: Where’d he go?
G: I sent him and all his brother and sister illegals back to their countries. Now, tell me what you guys want.
S: I’d like for myself and all likeminded socialists to live in a country that honors Marx and loaths capitalism.
POOF!....and he’s gone too.
FR: Where’d HE go?
G: I sent him and all his fellow socialists to Venezuella. Now, like I said, I’m busy. What is it YOU want?
FR: Are you telling me that in ALL of America there are no more illegals or socialists?
G: Yup, that’s right. Now let’s go, tell me what you want!
The FReeper sits in the sand, thinks for a minute, looks up at the genie and says, “Ya know, I think I’d like a Coke.”
Good ones sodpoddle.
I complained to my dentist, “My teeth are yellow”.
He said, “Get a brown tie.”
Henny Youngman
The doctor asked the woman if she ever woke up grumpy in the morning.
She answered, “No, I just let him sleep.”
A woman met with a divorce lawyer. The conversation went as such:
“Okay, I understand you want a divorce. Tell me, do you have grounds?”
“Yes, we have acre up near Ocala.” she replied.
“No, I mean, does he ever beat you up?”
“No,” she answered, “I usually get up an hour before he does.”
“Ok, but do you have a grudge?”
“No, we have a carport.”
“I give up!,” he exclaims, “Why do you want a divorce?”
“Well, we just don’t seem to communicate.”, she says.
I’ve heard that men are like fine wine...
And it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they’re mature enough to have dinner with. ;o)
“Excuse Me Sir
How would YOU describe the Ideal Woman?
What would she be?
...Oh Oh not me, I wouldn’t know nothing about that...
...I’m a I’m a I’m a ba - ba - Bachelor myself.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3bxPEk_jp8
Where is it snowing in America now? Do you live in Alaska or on a mountain above 6,000 feet? How many neighbors could you possibly have at that altitude?
Thanks for the laughs -— we need all we can get.
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