Posted on 06/18/2021 5:56:02 AM PDT by Red Badger
Yeppers.
LOL!...................
I have OCPD and ADD. Everything has to be perfect but not for long.
“She tells you her low income is because men held her back”
Sorry I would get the hell out of there if she believes that, cant deal with victim mentality anymore.
As Willie Nelson once said in a movie line; "She could suck the chrome off a ball hitch".
I've responded to my wife when she asks questions like this with "Do you want to shoot me now, or later?"
Hoovering?
You mean Hovering?...................
***
The first time I heard the term,I replied with your exact words, thinking it was a mispronounced word.
Nope, it is an actual psychological term;
“...hoovering can be defined, in terms of a current or prior toxic narcissistic relationship, where the abusive narcissist tries to seduce and convince the victim to return to the abusive relationship from which she had previously escaped.
The term hoovering derives from the vacuum cleaner corporation, Hoover, and invokes the company’s vacuum cleaners’ process of sucking things in, just as the narcissistic abuser sucks the victim back into the psychologically and, oftentimes, physically abusive relationship.”
From here...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/captivating-crimes/202003/hoovering-and-the-narcissistic-victim
Just wait until you look up the other terms I listed (and there’s many more!)
For instance, check out what flying monkeys are. Then you’ll see the large scope of the NP/BP disorder playbook. Their entire social circle is one of their own manipulation.
Flying monkeys...
“The term ‘flying monkeys’ is another way of saying ‘abuse by proxy’ or having someone else do the bidding of in this case a narcissist. The term flying monkey was coined after the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz that were under the spell of the Wicked Witch of the East, to do her bidding against Dorothy and her friends.
This common narcissistic tactic uses friends and family of the victim to spy on them, spread gossip while painting the narcissist as the victim and their target as the perpetrator. Flying monkeys can be your friends, family, coworkers or the narcissist’s friends, family, or coworkers before you got there. To maintain the illusion of the power they have over you, the narcissist will employ the use of third parties, through which they will attempt to continue control and manipulate you.”
From here...
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/red-flags/use-flying-monkeys/
When you break up with a NP/BP you find out REAL QUICK LIKE how many flying monkeys the NP/BP surround themselves with and manipulate for their own means. And these flying monkeys area very afraid of the wrath/crazy of the NP/BP, so they did their bidding.
You have probably learned to create healthy boundaries for yourself.
Blessings to you and your relationships.
All of them!
Add another:
#21: I’m a vegan.
I think they wrote this about my ex-wife.
I agree.
It’s funny to joke about men being whipped etc, or the woman wears the pants etc, and a lot of movies and TV shows have expressed that. The actuality is women want a strong man, and there are very few relationships where the woman should be the lead. It’s 51/49, someone has to have the controlling vote, and I also believe what the Bible says about it. Man is the head of the house, Christ’s representation to his family. He’s not a weak pushover who does whatever his woman says. He does though love her so much that if necessary he would lay his life down for her as Jesus did for the Church.
That’s a relationship and how it should go, it’s all laid out for us if we’d just take the time to read and understand and then not accept modern society’s idea of making men look weak and stupid.
I just made another comment here that kind of touches on what you said.
Alpha male is what women want is another way to describe how a man should be in his house and with his wife.
At least you dumped the idiot and found a good one, many try to keep going because they feel trapped (my sister for one) and just keep the circle going.
I’m glad things are going great for you and your family, and on a side note, I hope we can restore and keep freedom for the younger ones.
What?
Slurps beer ... ***BEEELLLLLCCCHHHH!!!!***
Hate it when the girl does that.
#2 is the quickest one to find out during a date. If they are rude to wait staff or other service people RUN. It only gets worse.
Not just incurable, but get progressively worse with age. That's why some leftists like to call themselves progressives.
Relationships are both pouring into each other at 100%. However, when I look at strong marriages, using my sister’s for example, they are biblically based. Brother in law is the head of their household. While my sister is the one who manages all the projects because my BIL is far too impulsive. She is the info gatherer, gives him the facts and the ultimate decision is his. He is smart enough and loves her enough to know that she won’t steer them as a couple or the family as a whole, in the wrong direction.
They respect each other’s strengths and roles in the marriage. Neither are weak pushovers. There is no do as I tell you happening there. They both respect each other’s roles.
With that said, it takes a strong man to lead and not domineer. There is a difference. A wife will follow a man who knows how to lead in love. A man who dominates, beats his chest and bellows “do as I say” without...unfortunately can’t simple have his oxygen supply removed.
Without “love” forgot that word
Sorry but those days are kind of at an end, not to burst your bubble, the best we can ask for is a relationship culture where people treat each other with respect and dignity and not degrade one another. The problem with dating and relationships from the man POV in my opinion ( I know men are not perfect, that’s a subject for another time) is that western society has poisoned a chunk of women into resentful women with crap attitudes who mistaken being strong/ independent for being a witch and it is showing. They get it from TV, from society, from their parents, then throw in the marriage system and the courts, that’s a mess on top of the crap in the US especially, relationships have gone to crap in the US which is why I’m glad I live in my part of Europe and women are different here.
For those interested in researching further, or maybe in an abusive relationship who want healing from the NP/BP cycle, I cannot recommend this book enough. It is the best book I’ve read on the subject. It was recommended to me and changed my life and relationships.
Please read the reviews..
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321
MUST READ WARNINGS:
DO NOT let your abusive partner know you’re reading it. Don’t let them see it. Keep it at work. Hide it. If they see it they WILL RAGE UNCONTROLLABLY, because they will know you’re on to them.
DO NOT let them know what you learn. NEVER EVER tell them they are a NP/BP. They already know, deep inside about their games and schemes. If you out them it WILL get ugly. As you learn, they WILL pick up that something is changing in you. They may be apathetic by nature, but are very intuitive to seeing their power slip away. You’ll see what I’m saying as you learn, adapt and get stronger with your boundaries.
There is a saying; “never educate your enemy”
In this context, if you educate them their tactics will become more abusive, yet more subtle and cunning.
Be careful to heed these warnings, or emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse in some cases
FINAL WARNING: if you’re in an abusive relationship, ABOVE ALL, take care of your personal safety.
NP/BP can be manifest in different levels of intensity, but these behaviors are VERY similar to sociopath behaviors and this level is where emotional abuse can turn to life threatening physical abuse.
Once they see you creating boundaries for yourself and they start losing control, the relationship WILL encounter high friction. Be prepared for this certain outcome.
BE CAREFUL
BE SAFE
BE SMART
A NP/BP has, through many years of practice, carefully cultivated manipulation of ALL the people in their lives and some of those people are more afraid of the NP/BP, than they care for you. You just haven’t seen it yet. Be careful who you confide in when discussing what you learn. You don’t want someone to tell the abuser that you’re on to them.
There are discrete support groups you can reach out to and do so if you sense danger when you start to create your own boundaries.
There is a summary of the book available online. It’s about two printed pages. Not to be used instead of reading the book, rather as a “keep you focused” after learning what you need to know and understand.
Lastly...
Boundaries are FOR YOU, not the NP/BP. They don’t have those and you can’t force them upon them. Boundaries are what you determine is healthy for you...how you will and will not be spoken to...where you will or will not go...what you will or will not do...how you will or will not be treated.
One more important communication note about these people...
When establishing boundaries, NEVER, EVER begin with the word “YOU”. To the NP/BP this is perceived as an attack, to which they will probably rage. Always begin with “I”...I don’t want this, or that...I can’t hear what you’re saying when speaking loudly/we argue...I need some quiet time.
Yes I did...
But, it came with a price tag attached...
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