LINK: Rodney Carrington "Today's The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend"
Well I got home, and the door was locked
And I tried to ring the bell
I found a little note that she had wrote
Tellin’ me to go to Hell
I crawled in the Window, and got inside
She kicked me in the balls and then I cried
Called me a name, and said I lied
Kicked me again and I thought I died
Cut my clothes, set em’ on fire
Hit me with her curlin’ iron
Tried to block it with my watch
Then she kicked me in the crotch again
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend
Well, I tried to tell her but she didn’t care
Things weren’t what they seemed
She had a pan on the stove of boilin’ water
And my nads would soon be steaaaamed
I tried to run, to scream for help
She hit me in the nards with a rhinestone belt
It was like nothin’ that I’d ever felt
I thanked God I wasn’t wearin’ a kilt
She grabbed the bat from beneath the bed
She swung it once and missed my head
Then she reared back, and swung it again
And then she hit me in The Twins again
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend
Yeah, today’s that awful day, and my boys won’t be the same
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend