First-ever slavery plantation is discovered in Africa: Ruins of a nearly 500-year-old sugar mill and estate located on a tiny island to the west

That’s great that you could figure out your sisters’ dynamic in early life. Yep; exploitation of others is part of human nature. And why we need to lift ourselves up out of the sins of the flesh as much as possible.

I’ll just say this: parents should nip this exploitation stuff in the bud, and also not play favorites. As you point out, all kids are born distinctly individual. Parents can’t just learn how to be a parent on the first one and apply the same skills to the next—the other kid(s) may not be like the oldest kid or the favorite kid. Each child needs its own well-thought-out parenting.

Yep. My wife and I raised four daughters. And I have people ask, “Did you treat them all the same?” Of course, to their shock, my answer is always, “NO! I didn’t have four of the same daughters.”

You have to figure out each child, who they are, how they function, what’s their inspiration, etc. For example, my oldest was a very good A-B student. My second daughter was a STRAIGHT-A student (she took the SATs in the 7th grade and scored in the top 20% of graduating seniors). My third daughter was a strong B-C student; she didn’t care for school or studying, it showed. My fourth daughter was a strong A-B student. All four graduated high school, on time.

I could ground one by sending her to her room (can’t go outside); she would be devastated. Then I had another that I would ground by sending her outside (without her books); she would be distraught!

At our house, we had two hard-set rules: 1) If one parent gives you an answer, do NOT ask the other parent for an answer...you have your answer, now you are asking for a whoopin’ (we didn’t want our girls playing us against one another), and 2) Complete the tasks you are given, or there will be consequences (we all had duties around the house and everyone contributed - you don’t wash dishes Momma can’t cook, so don’t complain of PBJ-night three times this week...this was YOUR fault).

If one parent gives you an answer, do NOT ask the other parent for an answer...you have your answer, now you are asking for a whoopin’ (we didn’t want our girls playing us against one another)

Your entire post about how you raised your kids was so excellent. I particularly like the above rule. I think it has probably saved many marriages. Kids may think it's not "fair," but they would think two households, joint custody and continual custody fights are a whole lot worse.

There's a calmly-administered "whoopin'" for the sake of discipline, which I think is acceptable in small doses for major infractions like running into a busy street without looking or gross disrespect to elders; and then there's striking out in rage over relatively minor offenses, running after a kid screaming and threatening, paddle in hand, terrorizing them. This I do not condone, having experienced it.

My mother was an Irish-tempered terror, but my dear dad had been orphaned, and he stayed there for us, regardless. He acquiesed her child rearing decisions, including frequent flights off the handle, until we were out of the house. When we were adults he let his feelings be known, and quietly defended us, especially the grandchildren, from the constant shaming and criticisms. Gotta give my mother credit for having been a better grandmother, and not hitting the grands like my brothers and I were hit. I think she knew I would have decked her if she struck my kid in anger, and I'm a woman.

When it was my turn to discipline children, I explainied the principles involved in very simple language, calmly warned about consequences, and always followed through. When they were old enough ( but not yet having a phone or car to be taken away) and did something pretty serious, they had to write a one-pager about how that behavior violated any the Ten Commandments, and we would talk about it. Only had to do that a few times. I always let them know that parents have to answer to a higher power, too; not just kids.

First, THANK YOU! My wife and I worked hard through over nine years in the Marine Corps, seven years traveling for IT work, and another seven years of traveling in construction safety...and our girls appreciated our efforts as well.

Our only other rule was pretty straightforward. I absolutely loathe liars. So, I told my girls if you mess up, fess up, but do NOT lie about it.

Sooner or later I will get the truth and there will be corporal punishment for any lies told - PERIOD. If you are honest with me, there may be punishment (i.e., extra chores, grounding, no phone/TV privileges, etc.), but no physical punishment.

And like your mother, my mother was a “tree switch” type person and my dad was a 7-loop-clearing, leather belt-wielding person! Both had the rule, I will give you all licks, to ensure the right one got whooped...that always bothered me. So I swore I would only use my hand to give spankings, that way I couldn’t go overboard (my own hand couldn’t take it after a while - LOL)! And, if we were not sure who was the culprit, we didn’t punish anyone. I would rather no one get punished than the WRONG person get punished.

Believe it or not, My wife and I discussed these things extensively when we were in high school (we are high school sweethearts)...how we would raise kids if we ever had them. We both had traumatic experiences with our own parents. I was determined to NOT be THAT person. Heck, I even apologized to my kids when I found out I was wrong...I know neither of my parents ever apologized...my dad used to say, “That was for the next thing you do, that I don’t catch you doing”!

What’s funny is that we and our kids are extremely close and are actually “friends” now they are grown. And they do not have an issue with us disciplining or admonishing any of our ten grandkids.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.