Posted on 12/20/2023 1:19:46 AM PST by Varsity Flight
https://www.self.com/story/why-some-couples-can-recover-after-cheating-and-others-cant
Comprehensive article on capacity and methods for couples to possibly recover from betrayal.
Found this interesting as applies to dating also in today’s culture.
For the betrayed person, as the article mentions, the perception of determining what is “real” and assured certainty is paramount.
I always considered that people who “recovered” from infidelity in marriage simply made an accommodation. They did not repair the relationship; they just chose to forget that the relationship was destroyed. For money, for convenience, for whatever reason. As they say, you can only lose your integrity once. I think that applies to marriage as well.
My husband of 27 years had an affair once that trust was gone the marriage was over!! I kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back!! I don’t know how some women can forgive the betrayal I guess I am not that strong!!
Integrity ho culture gone. Symptoms, disease, hypergamy, uncertainty, no peace, distrust, distress.
New creation: Signs. Shame-regret to Redemption, new life, Trust-Worthy, faith, hope, love, peace Forgiveness Corinthians 13
Forgiveness, greatness.
Yes, can only 👁️ discerning wedding a true believer.
For the dating, proof of commitment certainty essential. Knowing the true nature of whom one’s with. Worthy. Trust Worthy
Honor to Dis-honor
1. First move is to come clean by admission, and not hide. As in the Garden.
2. Repentance
3. Walk worthy, outward signs of inward transformation. New ❤️
Psalms says “The wicked walk on every side, when the vilest are exalted”
But, often, when there is an affair, it's because the marriage is dysfunctional in a variety of ways.
An ignored, lonely, isolated, or emotionally abused wife or husband is easy prey for temptation...and there's temptation around every corner.
I caught my wife cheating last week, it was devastating. We were playing Monopoly and I saw her secretly steal Park ave!!!
“My husband of 27 years had an affair once that trust was gone the marriage was over!! I kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back!! I don’t know how some women can forgive the betrayal I guess I am not that strong!!”
It goes both ways, yet the courts are stacked against the male. Until that changes nothing is equitable when one spouse runs amok.
It goes both ways, yet the courts are stacked against the maleI found that off the hard way.
Something like 80% of couples don’t recover from infidelity. Of the remaining 20%, some are as you suggest. The rest do recover. It takes the person, who cheated, the understanding that they have to be willing to be held accountable forever until the mate has completed their grieving process. It means always keeping their location on, the willingness to be checked upon randomly. Answering all questions, no matter how salacious or damning.
The spouse that was cheated upon gets tongrieve their loss, no matter how long it takes.
Do hookers count?
“My husband of 27 years had an affair once that trust was gone the marriage was over!! I kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back!! I don’t know how some women can forgive the betrayal I guess I am not that strong!!”
I’m married 34 years now. Menu is nice to look at but I never ordered anything from it.
“My husband of 27 years had an affair once that trust was gone the marriage was over!! I kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back!! I don’t know how some women can forgive the betrayal I guess I am not that strong!!”
I’m married 34 years now. Menu is nice to look at but I never ordered anything from it.
As Jesus defines adultery (lusting in your heart and/or mind for someone not your spouse), everyone has had an affair.
when i was younger that would have been a deal breaker.
now i’m old....if i found out he had cheated in the past i would let it go.
“[Divorce]....the courts are stacked against the male.”
True that ... even if the reason for the divorce is totally unrelated to cheating. No fault divorce covers anything ... and everything.
Your reaction is understandable.
I cannot comprehend how marriages stay together after cheating - but I know several that did. One was a good friend, well paid professional with great career ...., cheated, left his wife and kids and married his lover. After a few years he got religion, realized his sin, ... and somehow remarried his first wife - totally faithful. They were married for another 40 years before he passed away in his mid 80s. You never would have known this about their marriage(s).
When I was younger, single, my first steady girlfriend cheated on me ... same happened with the second ... and they dumped me after they cheated because they did not want to be committed. They should have dumped me first. Anyway, I picked up on the way the dating game was played back then .... all is fair in love and war kind of thing. Not justifying cheating while dating, because if one gets too used to cheating when dating, I can see for many the learned behavior can spill over into marriage when things get “real” or challenges arise.
But once engaged and married ... I was totally 1000% faithful.
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