[Lazamataz]

Please, if you have taken the time to read this, critique it. Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly. Be genuine, savage me if you feel you must, compliment me if it is warranted.

This will be the first four chapters of a sci-fi novel, written by yours truly with significant and important help from a freeper named piytar.

[WHATNEXT?]

I’m sure you thought this over but...do you really want to do the woke thing?

white and Black. white and black. White and Black.

Stood out like a sore thumb. Ouch.

[WHATNEXT?]

You are known for quirky. Will there be some later? So, far a little bland.

[unread]

*

[AF_Blue]

At the beginning of chapter three, the suits will confirm their identities by checking creds, not just by questioning, because they are being taken to meet the SecState. If not inside the airport, then after they get in the vehicle before leaving the airport.

Other points I noticed have already been mentioned.

Independence Day, Close Encounters, Alien Nation, District 9 - don't go there. I'll allow for a little MIB, though.

[wjcsux]

Good job Laz, I like it.

[M Kehoe]

Bttt

5.56mm

[NetAddicted]

Read later.

[blondiegoodbadugly]

I’ve only read the first 2 chapters, but love it so far.

[DollyCali]

I was immediately drawn in with the curiosity of various segments, I knew would eventually fall together but for now were just laying groundwork.

How will Jason fit in ? Or was he just a character to help introduce Mark? How will this “crew” work together? Are one of them aliens delivered years ago.? Are they sworn to secrecy? No connection with outside for safety and security reasons? Will the aliens be able to take over the bodies on earth at will?

It was a great tease. I wanted more —now. May I reserve your first copy? Signed of course and paid with green.

I’m really impressed! I’m not a literary critic but am an avid reader with a mixed bag of interests(good ADD)

I wish you success in moving forward. Only hope the crazed idiot in White House doesn’t sabotage the country further to not let creative people like you flourish.

God speed Laz

[Silentgypsy]

Hook: the etiology of Jason’s atypical behavior. I want to learn if and how it’s connected to the arrival of the aliens.

[ViLaLuz]

It’s very good Laz. I usually find fiction annoying but this story drew me in. I can already see it as a movie in my mind. I’m also imagining this as a sort of end times story, involving AI, the antichrist and things like that.

The comments about the cursing I agree. Is it even necessary? And if it is, use very sparingly and not right up front. For future consideration, if there’s going to be cringy gratuitous sex scenes I’ll skip a story altogether. I get that there’s natural, subtle sexual tension in the world but I hate that voyeuristic feeling.

You have an enormous talent for writing. It’s nice to see you using it. You are going to be very successful with this project!