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To: Ciaphas Cain
Bookmark for later when I’m back home.

Love to hear your thoughts!

55 posted on 03/06/2024 7:32:59 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz
I agree with what others have said. This is a really good start for a first novel. Need to clean up things a bit and yeah, there's a bit of over-use of adverbs. Sometimes less is more. Give it more "umph" if that makes sense.

I like the cadence of this. It reminds me a little of William Shatner's TekWar novels. That's not a bad thing.

73 posted on 03/06/2024 4:48:44 PM PST by Ciaphas Cain (Fascism: It can happen here. It DID happen here. It's STILL HAPPENING here!)
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