[xsmommy]

oh xspup is virtually orgasmic when i come into the house. he loves me, he really loves me.../sally fields.

[maxwell]

A man tries to enter heaven but first he has a chat with St. Peter, keeper of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that it is not easy to get into heaven. There are some criteria to be met before entry is allowed. St. Peter asked the man several questions. Was he religious in life? Did he attend church? Was he generous? Did he give money to the poor, to charities? Did he do any good deeds? Did he help his neighbor?

The man answered, "No".

St. Peter said, "Not good, not good." Exasperated, St. Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this little old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought my way through the crowd and got her purse back. I helped her to her feet. Then I went up to the biggest, meanest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then I spit in his face."

"Wow, said St. Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about ten minutes ago..."