50 Reasons Lord of the Rings Sucks

Pointless Waste of Time ^

[Cleburne]

Not to mention all that pipe-smoking turned me into a hopeless addict- until I discovered (a) the high price of a good pipe and (b) Longbottom leaf is terribly hard to come about. I'm still suing Peter Jackson, the Tolkien Estate, and the Shire Council of Commerce for emotional damage.

[finnman69]

If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.

If you have an IQ over 5 you could figure out that the good guys switched rooms to hide from the bad guys.

This is a funny rant.

[nina0113]

I "got it" on the 3rd one & laughed all the way through.

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

Two subtle for sum hear too muse.

.... and there in is the pity of it!

[2nd Amendment]

I speak as a devoted fan of LOR. I do not dismiss your analysis as improper. A few comments in defense of LOR
1. If the same scrutiny was applied to Alice in Wonderland and other children's novels, they would be anathemized.
2. I've always looked to Tolkien and Lewis for imagination not theology. God's Word never changes.
3. I can find dozens of areas where LOR reinforces my christian belief. It prepares a pagan mind to accept the only real truth. The Bible.
4. Didn't the apostle Paul begain and address to the Romans using the Unknown God as a starting place.
5. anything done to excess can have deleterious results to the soul.
I would like to contine this dialogue. .later

[Forgiven_Sinner]

Hi Tim Benzadrine!
Hash Boo Valvoline!

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

Why then is Liv Tyler dark-haired?

She's just too pretty to be blond.

[Coto]

"...have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film. Didn't anyone catch this..."

What a moron...

[HairOfTheDog]

Just wait till the Hobbit's Hole crowd sees this.

The Hobbit Hole crowd "gets it"! HA!

[Sabertooth]

You missed the fact that Gandalf caught his sword on the way down. Of course, as any physicist knows, a sword has a higher terminal velocity than a human, or Maia--he should have never caught it.

Terminal velocity is different for wizards plunging to their deaths.

Besides, how did Saruman make Gandalf's staff fall up into his hand in FOTR? Or make Gandalf fall up to the ceiling of Orthanc and land on the roof in the same movie? But then, why couldn't he make Gandalf fall back up to the roof from his eagle-mount during his escape?

Clearly, Middle-Earthian physics are different. Probably magic.

[HairOfTheDog]

Focusing on the believability of catching up the the sword, when we are talking about a fight between a Wizard and a Balrog made of smoke and fire, means the rest of the effects must have been rather believable!

[My2Cents]

None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair

Gandalf isn't human.

[My2Cents]

the movie we were forced to watch

Funny...Where we live, attendance at the movie showing was voluntary.

[Liberal Classic]

Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?

Sheesh!

[My2Cents]

The incident with the flock of evil magical spying crows serving the All-Seeing Eye...

The crows were spies of Saruman, not Sauron.

From some of the points, the list is meant as humor...but it's not very funny.

[Rockitz]

Lighten up! It's a fantasy, which pretty much gives the producers license to do anything they want including a Pepsi commercial. Thanks for ruining it for everyone.

[Alouette]

It seemed that every other european country had it's own mythos, but with the Norman conquest of England, "their own" mythology was lost, with the exception of Beowulf.

LOTR has always seemed to me very similar to the old German epic, Nibelungenlied ("Song of the Nibelungs") which was also the basis for the series of operas by Wagner.

[RabidBartender]

ROFL....Funny.

Almost as funny are the ones who took it seriously, nitpicked at it, and then when they figured out they'd been had - they say 'oh...it wasn't that funny - that's why I missed it'. BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

'Also, rings do not turn you invisible.'

[Jael]

Actually, I feel so strongly about not being involved in the occult, that I would never read the books. :-)
So you lost me with the pipe stuff.;-)

[Jael]

Hi! Thanks for writing! I appreciate the time you took!

You said "1. If the same scrutiny was applied to Alice in Wonderland and other children's novels, they would be anathemized."

Can we start there?

Personally, I think many childrens books are really no good. We may view them as harmless fun, but are they? Don't they prepare you for that next bigger step?

My parents always read to me. But we read a lot of biography. We did read Peter Pan, but that is about the only "fairy fiction" I remember.

I do remember "Goodbye Mr. Chips" and "Little Women" very fondly, among others.

But those books dealt with real people facing things that could really happen, in that they did not take place in some kind of fantasy world with occult images.

My parents predisposed me to read great books, not just fairy tale fiction. So when I was older, I was not looking for books that flirted with the occult. It was a great thing!!!

I also never got involved in watching Soap Operas, or lots of other type fiction melodramas. I think my life has been the better for it, all things considered. :-)