All Politics Is Yokel

The Washington Post ^ | February 15, 2004 | Gene Weingarten

[SouthMountainBilly]

All Politics Is Yokel These guys aren't long shots, they're moon shots By Gene Weingarten

I am on the phone with one of the candidates for president of the United States, and I have just asked him, in an official on-the-record interview with The Washington Post, the following question: "Which part of a woman's body do you find the most sexually attractive?"

Now, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that no presidential candidate in his right mind would answer a loaded, no-win, irresponsible, inexcusable question like that.

"Her breasts!"

See how wrong you were? Your problem is that you didn't factor in one thing: The candidate is Richard Bosa, former mayor of Berlin, N.H. Richard is one of the several "fringe" Republicans who were on the ballot in New Hampshire...

"What is the most morally repugnant thing you ever did?"

I was worried that I might get the typical politician-type answer, such as: "I am guilty of having neglected my family because I was working too hard for the people of Florida . . ."

Nah.

"When I was 12 years old," Buchanan said, "I was basically a homosexual prostitute for beer on Saturday nights."

Buchanan, who is straight, explained that he debauched himself in that manner with an older kid.

"You did that for beer?"

"Not just for beer."

Ah.

"He also let me drive his car. It was a cherry-red Chevette."

So, Buchanan deserved this one: Do you love America, and if so, why?

"I do. America has been good to me. I am one of the laziest underachievers of all time, but I have earned a good living way beyond my talents."

(Can't you just feel the groundswell?)

When I asked candidate Bill Wyatt, a Los Angeles businessman, whether he had any really revolting personal habits, he answered me honestly and forthrightly; unfortunately, Washington Post attorneys have informed me that I cannot publish his response because of potential liability for breakfast-time, regurgitation-related injuries. But it was extremely entertaining, and it certainly obliges me to reveal that Bill feels he is more qualified for the presidency than George W. Bush because he will "open the political process to the populace in general, not be a pawn to corporate interests."

In the end, I found all of the candidates extremely honest and open; but my endorsement goes to Buchanan. This is because of what happened when I asked him my follow-up qualifying question, which was: "Name something embarrassing that you might do if left alone in the house of a friend." His answer was that he not only might look for naked pictures of his friend's wife, but that he had actually done this on one occasion, though to no avail.

When I expressed some skepticism, he indignantly gave me the name and phone number of the friend.

Accountability. What we need from our leaders.

[SouthMountainBilly]

Even though he's waaayyy left, Gene is pretty funny! However... I wonder what the "Fringe" Dims are like? Oh, I forgot, they're Al Sharpton et al.

[JRios1968]

All of them are Fringe RATS!