BEYOND A YOLK

Daily Mirror (U.K.) ^ | 10/27/03 | Tony Parsons

[Pokey78]

Mothercare's new cassette of classic nursery rhymes has given Humpty Dumpty a happy ending.

"Humpty Dumpty counted to 10, then Humpty Dumpty got up again."

What next? Corrective laser surgery for the three blind mice? Jack and Jill go up the hill but Jack does not sustain head injuries to his crown because he is wearing a helmet in accordance with EU health and safety regulations? There is a reason that nursery rhymes are full of pain and suffering.

They are designed to gently tell our little ones that the world is a cruel place. The wasp will sting, the flame will burn.

And if a man with a free-range head falls off a wall, he is in big trouble.

[StatesEnemy]

All the kings horses, and all the kings men enjoyed a tasty omelet.

Now that's a good ending.

[CyberAnt]

Well .. we can't have that .. we can't have our little skulls full of mush enlightened with the truth .. shameful! Otherwise .. we might not be able to sell their parents ridlin or a head doctor to soothe their little shattered minds.

[concerned about politics]

The little Red Hen went through all the work to make her bread while the socialists laid out in the sun, and the PC version has all the commie pinkos sharing it anyway!

The grasshoppers were eating the ants into starvation, but the PC version has the ants forced into working overtime to feed the Democrat base.

[concerned about politics]

All the kings horses, and all the kings men enjoyed a tasty omelet.

I'd like to know where in this rhyme it says Humpty Dumpty was an egg. It's probably the first successful attempt at mind control! Someone said it, and now it's considered a fact!

[Frank_Discussion]

Great, now that you've figured it out, we'll have to send Agent Smith to your house...

[T Minus Four]

I don't even want to hear the PC version of Little Boy Blue.

[concerned about politics]

Little Red Riding Hood saves her Grandmother from the big bad wolf. In the PC version, the kindly wolf administers the euthinasia drug!

[T Minus Four]

OK, here's one:

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her.
Put her in pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.

Mrs. Pete got wise one day,
To a women's shelter she ran away.
She got a job, took a Microsoft class.
Now Pete pays alimony out the a$$.

[tet68]

The wolf and the little red hen.

The little red hen sat on the bank of a river.
She wanted to cross to the other side.
Along came a wolf who offered to carry her across.
"I'm not sure I trust you.", said the little red hen.
But she decided to give him a chance and let him carry her across.
Halfway across, the wolf swallowed the little red hen whole.
Reaching the other side the wolf climbed out on the bank,
when suddenly he felt a terrrible sharp pain in his stomach.
SNIP,SNIP,SNIP, went the sissors that the little red hen carried in her sewing bag as she calmly cut her way out of the deflating wolf carcass and quietly went on her way.
"Perfidious volpine", she thought,"at least I didn't have to draw my .45"

[concerned about politics]

Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. In the PC version, Jacks wife dies in a house fire started by the Animal Liberation Front.

[T Minus Four]

Baa baa, black sheep, have you any wool?
No sir, no sir, it's too cool.
We'll get chilly and be distressed,
And PETA will picket your address.

Besides, It's "African American" sheep.

[T Minus Four]

Jack Sprat was a vegan. His wife did Atkins. They divorced, of course.

[concerned about politics]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack jumped over a candle stick. In the PC version, A major university gives him a degree in philosaphy.

[concerned about politics]

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner Eating his Christmas pie, He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum And said "What a good boy am I!"
In the PC version, he pulls out a used condom.

[T Minus Four]

Georgie, porgie, puddin' and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
What a stink the girls then made!
Georgie was expelled from the second grade.

Hey, I'm on a roll :-)

[concerned about politics]

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day. In the PC version, it's Bush's fault.

[EllaMinnow]

You can't miss this.

[Young Werther]

I thought that was Ahhnerd!

[concerned about politics]

Hush a bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock;
When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Brought to you by your local Planned Parenthood Abortion Clinic.