Arsonist's parents must pay $715,000

Ann Arbor News ^ | 11-11-03 | Tom Tolen

[Dan from Michigan]

The key word there is...START....

[Iscool]

You obviously don't know much about kids, or raising them...

[blam]

"The key word there is...START...."

Yup...I knew that was the weakness in my case.

[TKDietz]

No doubt. Raising kids is nothing like I ever thought it would be. They're little people with their own personalities. You can raise all of your kids exactly alike and each one will turn out differently, and sometimes "different" might mean that one or more of your kids turns out to be rotten as hell and completely uncontrollable.

Not that any of mine are rotten, but I certainly have one headstrong one that is a whole lot harder to deal with than the others. I'd be lying if I said it was within my power to actually "control" her to any meaningful degree. Sometimes kids can just be headstrong and defiant or even downright evil through absolutely no fault of their parents.

We force parents in our state to pay restitution on behalf of their children. It's probably a good thing to do in most instances, but there should be some limit to how much you can hold someone accountable for the acts of another even if that other is the minor child of the one we are holding accountable.

[speekinout]

One of my best friends has 5 kids. 3 are real joys. 2 are drug dealers on their best days, and who knows what the rest of the time.

He and his wife spent years - from when these kids were 14 until they were old enough to get kicked out - being afraid to sleep, because they never knew what would happen. A call from the police was a good day.

Sometimes good parents get bad kids. Sometimes it's the other way around.

[Iscool]

You are absolutely right...And in many cases, when they get beyond those "troublesome" years, they turn into decent adults...

[Not A Snowbird]

LOL! Yes, she's thrown the "you don't trust me" line at us before. To which we agree... we don't.

So far she hasn't had the guts to really screw up, but she's laying the groundwork. We're hopeful she'll get a clue before she does something life-changing, in the meantime we exercise constant parental vigilence.

One funny note: yesterday my husband was driving her and her friend around and the friend remarked that her mother was "in her business". My husband inserted himself into their conversation and informed them both that as long as they were minors, everything was mom's "business". They were quiet after that. ;-)

[Not A Snowbird]

I'm so sorry for the choices your daughter has made with her life. I used to look at out of control kids and think "good grief, what's the parents' problem?" Now I'm living it and I can see that sometimes kids just choose the wrong path no matter what their parents try.

Hugs to you and your grandbaby... and prayers for your daughter.

[b9]

My husband inserted himself into their conversation and informed them both that as long as they were minors, everything was mom's "business". They were quiet after that. ;-)

You sound like exceptional parents. I routed through everything I could...backpacks, notebooks, pockets...to find out what they were 'thinking' and boy howdy was it ever revealing. The influences these days come from everywhere, and the battle against them is relentless.

I could never understand mothers who think because their kids are finally teenagers, they can go back to work and leave them on their own.

That's when kids crave structure the most. Unfortunately, too many parents want to be comforted by their kids and it should be the other way around.

There's a really cool children's book by Don and Audrey Wood called "Heggity Peg" about a witch who turns several siblings into food, and their mother who can only save them by identifying who's who. It's a brilliant tale of a mother who really knows her children.