Posted on 11/13/2003 8:25:36 AM PST by Grig
An Oregon scientist inspired by Homer Simpson has successfully created "tomacco" -- a tomato plant that contains nicotine.
But Rob Baur is now worried that he has produced "the ultimate Frankenfood" and that it could, in fact, be deadly to eat.
Mr. Baur says the idea to cross-breed tomatoes and tobacco came from an episode of The Simpsons that first aired in 1999. After inadvertently challenging a southern colonel to a pistols-at-dawn duel, the Simpson patriarch decides to flee to his childhood farm with his family to live off the land.
He accidentally mixes tomato and tobacco seeds and after applying borrowed plutonium to his fields -- "a little boost for Mother Nature" -- grows the tomacco hybrid. It tastes awful, but is highly addictive, as several farm animals and his son, Bart, soon discover.
Mr. Baur, 53, vaguely recalled reading about cross-breeding the two plants during a university class in the 1970s. The idea kicked around in his head for a while, then he set to work. He grew both plants, then cut the tops of each and switched them around. Both promptly died.
Undeterred, and without a source of plutonium handy, Mr. Baur grew the plants again, this time hollowing a portion of each out and grafting them together. The plant took form, and after weeks of pruning, he now has a large tobacco root that has sprouted a tomato branch. The branch has yielded one ripe fruit, and tests have shown the leaves contain nicotine -- the fruit will be tested for nicotine tomorrow. The scientist says he expects the fruit will contain much higher levels of the addictive ingredient.
"I'm amazed to have grown anything," Mr. Baur said in a telephone interview from his Lake Oswego home. "It looks like a tomato, but the plumbing has changed. Now there's nicotine pumping in from the roots."
But Mr. Baur is having a Dr. Frankenstein moment, noting that nicotine, when ingested orally, can be fatal to humans at levels higher than 150 milligrams. He fears his tomacco plant contains "multiple fatal doses."
"I grew this thing, and then I thought, 'Now what am I going to do with it?'"
He considered selling his unique piece of Simpsons memorabilia on eBay, but worried about what the buyer might do.
"Would you put it on your desk at work? What if someone comes by and takes a bite? This is the ultimate Frankenfood."
Mr. Baur, an operations analyst in an Oregon waste-water facility, admits it would be a relief if the fruit turns out to be nicotine-free, although it would likely mean the end of his sudden notoriety.
"It's funny, nobody called me up to talk about my fermenting sludge patent," he said.
On the Simpsons tomacco episode, townspeople -- and farm animals -- cannot get enough of the addictive fruit, and cigarette executives offer Homer $150-million for his invention.
So far, Mr. Baur's telephone has been silent but for the occasional reporter and one anti-tobacco activist whose television is set to record anything that mentions tobacco.
"The ATF hasn't been here either," he notes.
But the anti-tobacco activist is going to drop by for a visit. He has family in the area.
Mr. Baur's friends want to know what he will attempt next. Would he consider moving straight into recreational drugs?
"A few people want to know if I could make toma-nnibis or marij-tomato. I don't think so."
And he hasn't ruled out mining his collection of Simpsons DVDs for further ideas.
"There's always the Flaming Moe," he notes, a reference to the drink invented by bartender Moe Sizlak that briefly makes him the toast of Springfield. "I'm sure there's a recipe on the Internet somewhere."
Considering nicotine is present in all tomatoes producing a nicotine free tomato would help him keep his noteriety.
"I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)"
-- Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach
But could Dan Quayle spell it?
There was a book back in the seventies that gave directions for grafting hops to marijuana roots. I'll bet it made interesting beer !
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