Posted on 11/18/2003 1:24:46 PM PST by presidio9
Edited on 05/26/2004 5:17:29 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
I lay awake in bed for three hours straight this Thursday, panicking that I have become way too choosy when it comes to blind dates. After all, isn't New York full of lonely women in their 30s who think no one is good enough?
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
Sure enough, Son #1 knew it was love when his date quoted Rush Limbaugh and told him her life goal was to be a good wife and stay-at-home mother.
People change alot during marriage, but the quickest way to find out if there is going to be a shared set of values is to establish political party identity. This is great news for young pubbies. Normally, just under 40%, our numbers are growing on campuses and in the under-30 set, making finding the perfect someone easier statistically.
I pick Personality Disorder #2 for this NY charmer!
I told him he had to be able to party with me at a muddy music festival for three days.
I'm looking at you, Bridget, and thinking that if you were at a muddy music festival you'd be complaining about the mud, or the humidity, or the crowds, or the food, or SOMETHING.
Just be honest and tell him you like recreational drugs and doing it to loud music. That's what you want.
I told him he had to be able to rescue me if I broke down in the Kalahari Desert.
If you were in the Kalahari desert, you'd be complaining about the heat and the dust and the sand and the lack of recreational drugs and loud music. Aren't you really saying that you don't know which end of the hammer is the business end, and you'd prefer a man who's less clueless in that area than you?
Anyone with a working vehicle can rescue you from the desert, why is that a criteria for a husband?
Lastly, I asked if he would be able to hold court with a bunch of politicians at a New York Arts Club dinner.
Pretentiousness is very important to you. At least you're honest here.
Now, here are my questions:
1. Liberal or conservative?
2. Do you like cats?
3. Desired frequency of sex?
These are questions that will actually TELL you something, from a compatibility standpoint.
Be patient with me, I still have vestigial liberal appendages when it comes to dealing with women. I'm still recovering from the brainwashing that taught me you have to be a sap and worry about making a good impression on the woman, rather than worrying about whether she's making a good impression on you. I guess my kind of woman wouldn't mind me asking about political leanings so bluntly, and I wouldn't want to be with someone with whom I had to be circumspect conversationally. I hate relationships where I have to walk on eggshells. I know I've been guilty of this very thing, but that doesn't mean I want to (or deserve to) deal with it in a partner.
I would love to get his side of the story. Maybe she just wasn't as "perfect" as she thought he was. Maybe she had bad breath. Maybe she's not as funny, smart, or the great and entertaining conversationalist that she thinks she is. Maybe he really isn't looking for a liberal. Or maybe, heaven forbid, she's just plain ugly.
Uh oh. Did he, by any chance, move to the West Village, or Chelsea?
I have a feeling she will be extremely disappointed with the rest of her life.
All I wanted from that moment was for the date to END. Therefore I took her to a very dark club in D.C. praying nobody would spot me there. All of a sudden female Nikita started screaming in broken English: "YOU ME!...DANCE!!!" I told her my leg was hurting but she didn't buy it and started screaming even louder: "DANCE NOW! DANCE NOW!!! Then she proceeded to pound the table with her fists just like Khruschev pounding his shoe on the dest at the UN many years earlier.
Just to shut her up I agreed to dance with her. It was a slow dance and it was like dancing with a listing battleship. All the while I was PRAYING nobody would spot me. Suddenly a spotlight from the band shined on the highlighted couple of the evening---Myself and Nikita. What followed was the longest and most humiliating dance of my life as lots of folks yelled out my name in recognition as I tried to keep the Nikita battleship I was dancing with from keeling over.
The rest of the evening wasn't much better as my garlic ridden "date" kept grunting in a strange mixture of pidgin English and gutteral Serbo-Croatian.
FINALLY I got Nikita (I was told her real name but quickly forgot it) back to her sister's apartment. As I prepared to do my about face and get the hell out of her presence, she yelled: "WHAT! YOU NOT GIVE GOODNIGHT KISS?!"
As I attempted to explain that goodnight kisses on first dates were strictly optional, Nikita grabbed me and slammed her lips up against mine and gave me the most horrific overpowering juicy garlic kiss imaginable. I gagged from the horrid garlic odor which filled my mouth. I didn't even bother to pretend to be polite and say goodnight. Instead I RAN out of the building and over to a nearby 7-11. I bought a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream and scooped it out with my hand and thrust it into my mouth is a desperate attempt to kill my blind date's garlic residue. It was the only thing I could think of to kill the smell at the time.
And the weird thing is that the Sophia Loren looking woman told me later that her sister had the most wonderful evening of her life....and would I like to take her out again? You don't have to guess hard what my answer was.
Oddly enough, most of the women in the Bible Belt hanging around in bars, drinking and smoking ARE Southern Baptists. It's one of the great anamolies---The heaviest drinkers and smokers in the heart of the Bible Belt are usually Southern Baptists.
Oddly enough, most of the women in the Bible Belt hanging around in bars, drinking and smoking ARE Southern Baptists. It's one of the great anamolies---The heaviest drinkers and smokers in the heart of the Bible Belt are usually Southern Baptists.
Some women might find that approach a little too blunt. Do what I do - - steer the conversation right away to birth control preferences. From there you can easily segue into abortion and THEN politics. Smooth, huh?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.