Tall Cornpone and Freudian slips were Iowa’s menu du jour at Saturday night’s Jefferson-Jackson Democrat fundraiser. Iowan Democratic governor, Maître d'Vilsack, who is famous for deletions, commenced the evening by deleting “indivisible” from the Pledge of Allegiance. At least Vilsack had the honesty not to pledge indivisibility when the goal of the night was divisiveness. Choking-out “Under God” must have been scary enough in a coliseum full of liberals.
In some odd redux of Jenny Jones, the Dems set the stage for a night of class warfare and duplicity as one speaker after another spoke in antonyms. Why didn’t they just use the first five minutes of the evening to say it’s all about special interests, income redistribution and bashing Bush. Then they could have settled down to enjoy their $100 a plate “working” person’s meal. I guess Tom Harkin wasn’t talking about Vince Foster when he said that Hillary was “a friend to every Democrat here tonight.” For that matter, he might not have been talking about the six presidential candidates in attendance.
Speaking of Hillary, the moment finally came when she ascended the stage...giggling to the beat of U2's "A Beautiful Day.” From her bag of affected personas, this night the perpetual victim would play a wild-eyed Joan of Arc. Even the reason for her presence was a Clinton classic, “But when the party initially had trouble selling tickets to the dinner, its biggest fund-raising event, it called for relief from the bullpen.... the dinner quickly sold out.” The antonym of “Thanks for inviting me here” is “Boy am I glad Bill and I could engineer this little bit of martyrdom.”
Of course when Hill intoned the faithful to, “Tell it like it is and that’s the way it should be,” she was once again talking Clinton-speak. The way it “should” be is not a way she ever chose to take. When “should” means “shouldn’t”, the result is that, “’I don’t believe I knew anything about [Castle Grande],’ Hillary said in 1994 to federal regulators...Now her own billing records showed that she had done thirty hours of legal work on that very development.” And the patent medicine show continues.
From her old Children’s Defense Fund days, the former FLOTUS digs deep and reminds the country that, “This election...really is about what kind of a future we are going to have for our children.” A good hint from the Clinton legacy is, “DALLAS-- School officials are investigating reports that a 12-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy engaged in oral sex during a science class at Robert T. Hill Middle School.” Somebody has a bright future as a White House intern...this time around maybe the boy gets a chance.
One of the funnier philanthropic moments arrived with Hillary’s, “Someone like me gets a big tax cut when I don’t really need it.” Let’s rearrange the semantics, “I’ve lived off the taxpayer almost my entire life and I stole so many things (tax free) from the White House, Air Force One and by selling pardons...what would I do without the benefit of your tax dollars!”
As a renowned expert herself, the dear senator falls back on old faithful by condemning the Republicans for, “What this administration is trying to do to the healthcare system.” Barbara Olson reminded us that, “Hillary’s (healthcare) taskforce...operated in near total secrecy and without participation from private-sector healthcare companies....” Hillary did such a good job in the healthcare field that U.S. District Judge Lambeth ruled she, “had blatantly violated open-meeting laws.” At least she personally profited from this as her hedge-fund investments in healthcare were shorted.
Jumping from healthcare to education, our pant-suited crusader warns that, “We also have to be fully aware of their (administration?) continuing efforts to undermine public education.” This from the lips of a mother who sent her own daughter to one of D.C.’s most exclusive private schools. But, the enigma translator tells a different story, “Children are victims also and I am their Joan of Arc. I’ll continue to shaft the taxpayer for a failed public education system and its corrupt union perpetrators who donate lots of money to me.”
And, the first runner-up for Hillary’s most delusional rambling has to be her night stalking the hallways of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. With believability equal to an Al Gore story, her sudden concern for the military prompted a Tuesday night Clara Barton mission. With her voice affectedly cracking, “As I went...from bed to bed seeing young men who...had head injuries that...prevented them from knowing their names and remembering where they came from....” Unlike a Clinton, these brave soldiers have a valid reason for memory loss.
In the universe of antonyms, Hillary’s grand prize winning moment came with, “...putting people first instead of the privileged few.” Again, I’ll let Barbara Olson do the translating, “...the Clintons exercised presidential power as if they ruled an emerging third world dictatorship. Pardoning a brother and ex-girlfriend, pardoning billionaire fugitives, allowing drug kingpins to buy influence, buying votes, and acting like an absolute monarch....” I think the thing speaks for itself.
The evening’s grand finale saw a flambéed Hillary condemning President Bush, “...he has no vision for a future that will make America safer and stronger and smarter and richer and better and fairer.” Unlike her husband who, “...risked his marriage, his office, his bond with the voters and the credibility of his party to gratify his personal needs.” Perhaps her righteousness sprang from Hillary’s breakfast invitation to accused organized crime-controlled union boss Arthur A. Coia.
The message is the medium and Hillary’s call, “That we need to once again lead by example,” harkens to a bit of wisdom from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The louder he (she) talked of his (her) honor, the faster we counted our spoons.”
Comments to Dan Sargis: inosome@dansargis.org
