I agree. My 20 something is home w/me. As a widow, I have to say I appreciate a male (an armed male) around the house. He works, he pays rent, does his own laundry, pays his student loans, and wouldn't think of having his friends stay overnight w/o asking me.
We have a good partnership, but that's because I'm still the parent. I don't expect any mouth or mess in my own house.
And, as I've told him, you don't like it here, you can always leave. I'll help you pack. But, if they don't want to leave, I think you have every right to set the rules in your own home and expect them to be obeyed. Adult children who don't want to follow the rules should be given 2 weeks to find an apartment and shown the door.
And yes, I often make his lunch. No biggie, and at least I know he's eating decent food. : ) (it's a mom thing)