Banner year for Political Correctness

The spoilsports at the Canadian Passport office, for instance, decreed that there was to be no more smiling on passport photos. Then the Defence Department threatened to jail married soldiers in Afghanistan who dare to kiss their own spouses or even hold hands, let alone have sex.

Not to be beaten to the PC punch, the federal Fisheries Department posted a $100,000 civil service job in B.C. open to non-whites only. In the eyes of Ottawa, some Canadians are a heck of a lot more equal than others.

The CBC's censors removed from their Sports Web an exchange between Don Cherry and Ron MacLean over Iraq. CBC flack Ruth-Ellen Soles insisted their dialogue disappeared because it was "inappropriate." Fact is, Ruth-Ellen, it happened! Erasing the public record simply attracts more attention.

Patrick Watson, a CBC icon, also stepped up to the PC plate. With a straight face, he told a nosey Senate media probe into the newsrooms of the nation that the government must launch, and fund, a new national newspaper as an "independent" voice. Just like the CBC, right? Do we really need a Pravda, Patrick?

The CBC's Neil MacDonald absented himself from Israeli PM Ariel Sharon's annual party and urged foreign correspondent colleagues to do likewise. Hey, Neil, when we covered hard news, having cut our teeth as ambulance chasers, one never missed the opportunity to mix with the high and mighty ... just in case a Lee Harvey Oswald or Sirhan Sirhan might be lurking in the shadows. Also Neil, and his politically correct CBC ilk, won't call suicide bombers what they are -- terrorists.

The Toronto Star was gaining PC ground fast. Gwynn Dyer blamed the slaughter of 50 Jews, Christians and Muslims in Turkish terror bombings on George Bush and Tony Blair. The only terrorists in Iraq were the Americans, he said. Anyway, terrorism, is now a marginal nuisance. Thomas Walkom, who dismissed Saddam as a "celebrity villain," a sideshow, argued George W. Bush should be charged with the same war crimes. Indeed, Saddam's real crime was to be caught.

Columnist Michelle Landsberg endorsed a claim by conspiracy "theorist" Barrie Zwicker that 9/11 was a conspiracy, not by bin Laden, but -- wait for it! -- the evil U.S. military-industrial complex against its own people. With Ms. Landsberg, mother-in-law of Globe conspiracy theorist Naomi Klein, in retirement, connoisseurs of PC now lack an essential original source.

In Ottawa, the bureaucrats were especially hyperactive in allowing undesirable, if not downright dangerous, people into Canada. Hence, Hassan Almrei sought haven here after admitting he took terrorist weapons training in Afghanistan, lied to gain entry to Canada and obtained a false Canadian passport from a friend who had been fingered as a terrorist suspect.

Ottawa readmitted two men charged with raiding an armoured car and holding several hostages after each had been deported three times to Jamaica and had prior criminal records for armed robbery and taking several hostages at gunpoint. But they ordered the deportation of a 75-year-old Holocaust survivor who, afraid of dying alone in her New York tenement, came to Toronto to be with her two sisters.

In the world of business, General Motors, fearing flack from the prudes, scrapped plans to replace the Buick Regal with the Buick LaCrosse in Canada because "lacrosse" can mean "masturbation" in Quebec slang.

Demonstrating, perhaps, that the Rest of Canada really hates Toronto, Sony launched a video game, now withdrawn, in which fictitious Quebec terrorists attacked Toronto with biological weapons, Sten guns and grenades. Meanwhile, a McGill University survey showed Montrealers are crabbier than Torontonians, because the sun rises 40 minutes later in Toronto.

An Eastern Ontario school board, in a community where people hunt in the fall, removed the word "gun" from all spelling tests in schools after pacifist parents complained their daughter had been asked to spell the word.

The CEO of TD bank, himself a former bureaucrat, apologized to the government after its chief financial officer, clearly a smart fellow, called the federal government's views on banks "screwy." Thus the messenger was executed, again.

Bernard Landry (my, how we will miss him?) told a group of anti-poverty and women's advocates that, if birds, with their tiny brains, can feed their chicks, human poor should do so, too. Distinctly not PC!

Perhaps the biggest PC double standard stemmed from the Canadian Broadcast Council, an industry watchdog, when it ruled that steamy TV is okay for Quebec teens, but off limits in the Rest of Canada. Little wonder the Greyhounds to Montreal are filled with horny teens.

Happy New Year! Uncertain as it may be, one thing's for sure: The exponents of PC in 2004 will be hard at work.

... an incidental thought;

We were planning on doing a power point presentation with pictrures, graphics and music this year saying "Merry (you know what)" however, we've heard stories of people being offended by the reference to - that word. We don't want to be sued by the ACLU.

So, we decided instead, to design a nice message with scenes of caribou grazing on the tundra. We opted for caribou because our first choice of reindeer may have been taken as a reference to - well, you know who.

After some contemplation we discarded the caribou idea because it could have upset some animal rights groups who might sue us for offending them by showing a defenseless animal who is being tortured by the intrusion of tourists and energy exploration.

So, we decided on pastoral scenes of snowy mountians. Then we got to thinking of how that could raise the ire of environmentalists for desecrating the image of protected wildernesses and maybe enticing someone to want to go there and see it for themselves.

We were going to just say 'Happy Holidays' but, some folks may have to work today. A 'Prosperous New Year' thought could damage the self esteem of the homeless and create down right contempt within the ranks of those socially concerned citizens who disagree with capitalism and even a plain New Year's wish could offend people who's year doesn't begin right about now.

In closing, we are avoiding the term 'Best Wishes' as superiority in any endeavor seems to be an undesirable trait in today's world and wishes are just down right fantasy with no factual presence or reality that can be hurtful to those with nothing to wish for. 'Sincerely' seems to have lost it's meaning in this political season, as did 'Truly'.

So, using our better judgement, we have prudently chosen this nondescript message void of feelings, color, design, religious references, holiday thoughts, personal dreams or wishes to take this opportunity to say ( insert your own December 25th message here) .

We're doing our best to get through this awkward time of year and offering you support in doing the same in whatever way you choose to enjoy.

Uhmm,
Jim & Janice

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