[Our man in washington]

One simple thing people can do to save the environment is crawl everywhere, or at least keep their heads as low as possible. You see, when you breathe out, you exhale carbon dioxide, a greenhouse gas. The higher the elevation of carbon dioxide, the more it contributes to global warming.

The reason is somewhat complicated. Carbon dioxide blocks heat from escaping the atmosphere. Heat is generally propogated through electromagnetic waves. Most electromagnetic waves are reflected back in to space before reaching the earth. The closer carbon dioxide is to the ground, the less likely that it will be able to "trap" any electromagnetic waves.

Imagine if you had deep-sea divers of varying abilities. Some could dive just a few feet, others a hundred feet, and vary few could make it to the bottom of the ocean. Imagine objects were placed at various depths in the water. The objects were designed so they would move away as the divers go down, but bump into the divers as they came up. Many divers might bump into objects at the top of the ocean, but few divers would hit objects at the bottom of the ocean, simply because few divers would get that far.

If you imagine electromagnetic waves as the divers and carbon dioxide as the suspended objects, you would understand the importance of keeping your head as low as possible when walking outside. Simply put, lowered greenhouse gases have less of a warming effect. (This phenomenon also explains why the roofs of greenhouses tend to be significantly higher than the highest plant being stored.)

(The above is total b.s. of course, but if anyone likes it, please distribute it widely. I have a tough week coming up, and seeing environmentalists duck or even crawl would give me a good laugh. Note that not only is the conclusion bogus, but so are about 90 percent of the "facts" in there, although I'm pretty sure we breathe out carbon dioxide.)

[in the Arena]

Don't let the Democrats see that, they'll start talking out their butts thinking they're saving the planet...no, wait, they already are...

[weegee]

There is a suggestion. If the evolution experts are correct, we came from the sea. Maybe now is the time for De-evolution and a slow process of crawling back into the ooze and eventually returning to life in the sea.

[Smokin' Joe]

LOL, I guess we should do all our exercising in the prone position. ....

"Scuse me.

OH honeeeeY, Darling........