Losing It: But There's a Price for Everything (James Lileks goes on the Atkins diet)

The Star Tribune [Minneapolis/St Paul] ^ | January 18, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

This is day nine of the Atkins regimen, and I have lost 147 pounds. I weigh less than my photo. I did not know it was possible to lose more weight than you had in the first place; all I know is that if I wish to use one of those automatic doors that opens when you step on it, I have to drag a brick along or it doesn't work.

Yes, I know. Atkins is so last year. Everyone's doing the South Beach Diet now. Next month, this paper will run a story about the North Shore diet, where you eat only hot dish and walleye intestines. But I don't want a diet that requires a book; I don't want recipes, meal plans, charts, Richard Simmons Deal a Meal cards, point systems. I don't want my eating habits to be slightly less complicated than the checklist for a shuttle launch. Hence the appeal of Atkins. It can be summed up simply: You know all that stuff you avoided on your last diet? Eat it. For breakfast. Twice. Wash it down with a quart of mayo. DON'T EXERCISE. STAY ABSOLUTELY STILL. And watch the pounds just melt away!

I didn't need to lose a lot. I don't eat much junk, and I'm fairly twitchy, so I've avoided that Orson Welles physique that plagues many middle-aged men. But I'm not the stork-thin Ichabod I was in the '90s, either. Of course, I speed-walked 6 miles a day and smoked like a bitter European intellectual back then, and I still had youth on my side. Then came Toddler™. I ditched the smokes and gained 10 pounds. In a day, I swear. I stubbed out the last butt, said "Well, that's the end of that" and the button of my jeans popped out and pinged off the wall. The phone rang; I picked it up.

-snip-

[annyokie]

Thanks for posting this, quid. I didn't need to subscribe to yet another newspaper when I went to post this earlier today.

[cyborg]

Why does this person sound like he needs a cup of castor oil?

[txhurl]

Already p'd pants even before gettin to the article.

[cyborg]

How did I read the article the first time and not register??? Now I went to reread it and now I have to register. Oh well...

[quidnunc]

cyborg wrote: How did I read the article the first time and not register??? Now I went to reread it and now I have to register. Oh well..

I think that the first time the site set a cookie into your browser which was detected the second time you called for the link.

I suspect that if you flush your cookie file it would allow you in again.

[Incorrigible]

Yet another Atkins thread...

[cyborg]

I take it this is supposed to be satirical so I am rereading it under the influence of Midol ;-)

[CindyDawg]

Normally I would think this was funny but as I sit here eating eggs and bacon for supper while I crave a What-a-burger I just want him to shut up. I know how bad it is :')

[Khurkris]

...hoo hum...another writer peaking out at an early stage in their career...

[SWake]

Did you notice the two "advertiser links" at the bottom of the page? Jenny Craig and NutrySystems. Go fig.

[Auntie Mame]

This is FUNNY!

[annyokie]

You read it where I did on Jay Nordlinger's column on NRO. I'm guessing.

[lainie]

The only fault I find with Dr. A, may God rest his soul, was in his over-emphasis on "you can eat all the foods they've told you not to!" I know why he did it -- because lowfat fiends said you may never again eat a piece of bacon or put real cream in your coffee. But the end result for the longest time has been a caricature of the Atkins Diet as high fat, and it really isn't. Not for the long term. On that diet I never ate more salad or skinless chicken breast in my life.

Of course, the Dateline NBC pieces always find the one freak who eats six eggs and half a pound of bacon every morning.

[cyborg]

I don't know... I eat four strips of bacon and three eggs and I'm FULL. I usually forget to eat lunch too LOL.

[linn37]

I went off atkins for the kids birthday party today,after two slices of pizza some cake and a glass of root beer I am starving. I think I will go boil me some eggs.

[BJClinton]

My wife and I are in tears. Thank God the worst of it (the diet) is over.

[lainie]

Oh, most definately. I remember I'd prepare a beef roast one day, and still be having leftovers 3 or 4 days later. You get full fast. That's what I'm saying... the instructions are "eat til you're full" but the reality is you get full very quickly. I ate 1200 calories/day on that diet, and was absolutely not hungry.

The only problem? Drinks. Chemically sweetened soda is nasty, and I got SO sick of water. The industry sorely needs to focus on drink choices.

[BJClinton]

...eats six eggs and half a pound of bacon every morning.

That's only an exageration by 50% for me.

[CindyDawg]

The thing is that I'm moody and feel like crap but the damn diet works.