How to be a good Democrat:

A boy and his computer ^

[jaso]

How to be a good Democrat:

1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

[EggsAckley]

I love #21!

[Tennessee_Bob]

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

Oh, absolutely - I mean look at this painting - it's terrible - there's only white (and likely fanatical Christian) men portrayed in it, it's far to militaristic (there's drums and swords and someone probably has hidden a gun in there). It's just not worth looking at - and it's obvious it was done without federal funding.

[Prime Choice]

On a similar note...

Top 25 Things You Have to Believe to Be a Democrat Today

1. Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk show host.

2. The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.

3. Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun laws because of the potential for abuse.

4. Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are "political opportunism," but calls for more gun control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical solution."

5. "It Takes a Village" means everything you want it to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.

6. Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists.

7. Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists, convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.

8. Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't Christianity.

9. The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they're thought of often.

10. Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're the President of the United States.

11. Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.

12. Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist; women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.

13. Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.

14. The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable precautions."

15. We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.

16. Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's socialized medical community can't provide.

17. Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.

18. John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming America").

19. Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion," but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending a message."

20. A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.

21. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn't pass in any legislature.

22. "The People" in the First Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People; but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).

23. You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent enough to homeschool the children she bears.

24. Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.

25. Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS's "The Reagans" and Liberal actors over their asinine anti-American remarks is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting.

[Paradox]

I thought the other one about republicans that was pulled from FR was pretty insightful too. Illustrates how ignorant the Democrats are about Republicans.

[Alter Kaker]

Oh, absolutely - I mean look at this painting - it's terrible - there's only white (and likely fanatical Christian) men portrayed in it, it's far to militaristic (there's drums and swords and someone probably has hidden a gun in there). It's just not worth looking at - and it's obvious it was done without federal funding.

You should know that Night Watch was paid for with government funds of its day. It was painted to decorate militia headquarters in Amsterdam.

[leadpencil1]

Outstanding list.

[wayoverontheright]

You also must believe that Bill Clinton's service to his country, marching against war in England and Russia, was a better qualification for Commander in Chief than George Bush's six years as a fighter pilot in the Air National Guard.

[Howie66]

Some shining examples of "good democrat":

(1) Franklin Delano Rooseveldt

(2) Harry S. Truman

(3) John Fitzgerald Kennedy

(4) Lyndon Baines Johnson

(5) Paul Wellstone

(6) Mel Carnahan

(7) Bobby Kennedy

[lilylangtree]

These are good. Forwarded these on to others on my email list.

[ptavares]

Not all Democrats agree with everything just like the Republicans...I believe in people not Parties...

[Rummyfan]

Other than the fact that they are all dead, what exactly makes them good Democrats? Personally, I admire Truman a lot for dropping the bombs and ending the war if nothing else.

[Still Thinking]

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

To which parts of the Constitution is the NRA opposed?? I wasn't aware of any. They seem to be seeking (by buying a media outlet) to defend their FIRST amendment rights.

[EdReform]

Bump & Ping

[Howie66]

"Other than the fact that they are all dead, what exactly makes them good Democrats? Personally, I admire Truman a lot for dropping the bombs and ending the war if nothing else."

Being deceased goes quite a way towards earning the "good" label.

While it's true that Truman had the "stones" to do the right thing by using nukes to end the war, I submit that was the only really smart action on his part. He really negated that with his "handling" of the Korean issue (in essence allowing the UN to call the shots).

As the saying goes: One "Aw SH*T" wipes out a thousand "atta boys".

[yankeedame]

You should know that Night Watch was paid for with government funds of its day....

This one wasn't

or this one

[Alter Kaker]

This one wasn't

And Vermeer was not Rembrandt.

[MeekOneGOP]

[yankeedame]

This one wasn't
And Vermeer was not Rembrandt.

LOL! You got me there, partner!