Replies

Thank you for your post (#51.) Most people have *no* idea what the day-to-day care of an elderly person with dementia is like. I only have experienced it secondhand, from listening to my friend talk about her father (who did pass away two years ago, after about 5 years of in-home care.)

As I mentioned above, my friend's father had sufficient wealth to provide for three shifts of aides (round the clock.) Lest anyone think that my friend "did nothing," it wasn't the case - for starters, supervising three people when you live 45 minutes away and have young children of your own is "something" in and of itself. Further, she had to manage all his financial affairs, take care of the home he was living in, etc. It was a monumental task, but the entire family was committed to keeping him out of a nursing home.

Given his condition, I don't see how he could have been cared for in any of the grown childrens' homes.

What people don't realize, as well, is that in the "good old days" of at-home care, when people became very frail and very demented, they simply stopped eating and *died.* We don't consider that an "acceptable" outcome anymore - we initiate RTC care, tube feeding, etc. All this care comes with a price.

Even if you put your loved one in a nursing home, there is still much work. You have to take care of their financial affairs, you want to visit them often to make sure they are being taken care of, you want to be with them if they have to go to the doctor or hospital, you have to do their taxes (yes, Uncle Sam still wants his pound of flesh even if you are 99 years old and a living vegetable), you have to buy them new clothes and get the things the home won't provide for. You go to care plan meetings.

And usually the nursing homes have their own doctors that come in to check the residents. These doctors never, ever voluntarily consult with family members - you have to do the legwork to find out why and what medicine and care Mom is getting.

"What people don't realize, as well, is that in the "good old days" of at-home care, when people became very frail and very demented, they simply stopped eating and *died.*"

I'm gldd you've mentioned this point, because it's probably the most important aspect of life for the elderly there is, today.
That is to say, seems everyone's concerned about quantity of life while completely neglecting the importance quality of life plays.

"We don't consider that an 'acceptable' outcome anymore - we initiate RTC care, tube feeding, etc. All this care comes with a price."

Indeed we do.
While interstingly enough, our society believes subjecting human beings to lives devoid of any quality whatsoever to be completely acceptable instead of seeing it as it really is.

...a misguided but well intentioned abject cruelty.