I’m sorry if you’re offended by the prose that follows

The Virginian-Pilot ^ | February 18, 2004 | Bronwyn Lance Chester

[SAMWolf]

Bill Clinton did it. Janet and Justin did it.

Pete Rose did it, sort of, but far too late.

Disgraced Pakistani nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan did it, too.

“It” is apologize, be sorry, publicly ask for forgiveness. Or in the case of Khan, the Pakistani Dr. Strangelove caught selling nuclear secrets, beg for mercy. Trouble is, few sounded like they meant it. If these luminaries have the chutzpah to flaunt their actions in the public realm, they can darn well issue a real apology in public, too.

British author G.K. Chesterton had it right: “A stiff apology is a second insult.” Pseudo-contriteness emerged from these miscreants’ mouths. But the wording of their apologies was simpering, disingenuous and downright weaselly. They sure didn’t sound remorseful for betting on baseball, selling nukes to Moammar Gadhafi or exposing the world to nipple jewelry.

They’re just sorry for the possible repercussions: expulsion from office, feeble record sales, exclusion from the Baseball Hall of Fame, or, in Khan’s case, a death sentence.

To err is human, but to forgive is out of the question when the reprobate refuses to come clean.

Note to apologists: If the words “I regret that” aren’t followed by the word “I,” it’s not a real apology. Also, an “if” anywhere in the apology means it ain’t one. Ditto for any expression of sorrow in the passive voice, such as “mistakes were made.” Really? By whom?

The all-time weaseliest apology has to be “I’m sorry if my actions were 1) misinterpreted, 2) misunderstood or 3) offensive.” That version puts the problem squarely back on the victim, as if he were too cretinous to properly understand the situation.

Take this doozy from Janet Jackson over l’affaire de la mamelle: “I am really sorry if I offended anyone.” If? The switchboards at CBS were lighting up like the Baghdad sky during an attack, thanks to offended viewers’ shock and awe. The only person excited to see Jackson’s display was probably the plastic surgeon who created it.

And from Justin Timberlake, who introduced the term “wardrobe malfunction” into the national lexicon, there’s this erudite gem: “I know it’s been a rough week on everybody, and, um, what occurred was unintentional, completely regrettable and I apologize if you guys were offended.”

Then there’s the non-apology apology and masterpiece of bureaucratic responsibility-shirking from Sen. John Kerry, who caught flak for saying Sikhs in India were terrorists:

“'It has been brought to my attention that remarks I made ... have been misunderstood to imply that adherents of the Sikh faith condone terrorism. Nothing could be further from the truth, and I regret that the imprecision of my statement led to this misunderstanding.”

How about this in-your-face apology from former South Dakota congressman and serial-speeder Bill Janklow, who flattened and killed a motorcyclist: Janklow channeled Frank Sinatra when he wrote in a letter to his constituents, “there are regrets, but they are either too few or too painful to mention.” Guess Janklow did it his way, all right; he’s now serving time for manslaughter.

But the kicker, according to the Black Hills Pioneer, is that taxpayers footed the bill for Janklow’s blubbery form letter.

At least Clinton finally, after multiple tries and with the help of speech writers, got it right. Speaking of his affair with Monica Lewinsky, Clinton said he’d had “a lapse of judgment for which I am solely and completely responsible.”

Of course, this was after the Horndog-in-Chief declared, “I did not have sex with that woman,” then paused, as if to remember which one, and continued, “Miss Lewinsky.”

Because we’ve been fed so many of these lame apologies, we no longer can take them at face value. We’re reduced to parsing them, picking apart every word, a nation trying to figure out the meaning of “is.” Whatever happened to “I was wrong”?

[SAMWolf]

Ping

[kevkrom]

The vast majority of examples the author cites are leftists, who do not beleive in personal responsibility, so why would they apologize properly?

[Between the Lines]

Note to apologists: If the words "I regret that" aren't followed by the word "I," it's not a real apology. Also, an "if"anywhere in the apology means it ain't one. Ditto for any expression of sorrow in the passive voice, such as "mistakes were made." Really? By whom?

Worth repeating!

[solo gringo]

IMHO These JERKS know what they are doing.They do it for profit or for thier own selfness reasons does not matter if a million lives are put in harms way or just thier ego is at stake.

[tiamat]

Well, a fake apology, such as "I'm sorry if any of you were offended", ALSO slyly puts blame on the person being apologised to.

After all, if we weren't so hyper-sensitive and unsophisticated, there would be no need for the apology to be offered at all!

Typical moral relativism!

[Xenalyte]

Note to apologists: If the words “I regret that” aren’t followed by the word “I,” it’s not a real apology. Also, an “if” anywhere in the apology means it ain’t one. Ditto for any expression of sorrow in the passive voice, such as “mistakes were made.” Really? By whom?

Exactly what Xena's Mom always taught us. An apology takes the form of, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I won't ever do it again." (Or "I'll never forget to do it again," as the case may be.)

[The Duke]

A related topic that, I belive, is much more important is the death of the concept of "the appearance of impropriety".

There was a time when the "appearance of impropriety" was sufficient to get one booted from office. Today, however, the mantra (crafted by Clinton but perpetuated by all) is ... "I don't believe you'll find any evidence of impropriety". The awarding of contracts in Iraq to Halliburton is but one of the more recent manifestations.

[Gabz]

WOW!!! Great read.

[Colonel_Flagg]

Good find, Sam. Thanks for the ping and good morning!

[Conspiracy Guy]

I once thought I was wrong. Then I reviewed what I had done and realized I had been given bad information. So I will not apologize for doing the right thing for the right reasons based on the wrong information.

CG

[Soaring Feather]

Thanks Sam for speaking the truth about these weasels.

[Jaded]

Again and again.

[Soaring Feather]

bump to the top

[KarlInOhio]

One thing left out of the article was the slippery apology/sympathy. "I'm sorry your children were eaten by a lion" means different things depending on whether I am trying to console you for your loss or if I'm trying to avoid the fact that I was the one who let the lion out of its cage.

[tiamat]

Everytime you write about your Mom, I want to meet her. She sounds like she has her head on straight!

[Xenalyte]

Everytime you write about your Mom, I want to meet her. She sounds like she has her head on straight!

You'd think that, but Bacon and HC can testify otherwise. Xena's Mom is of the certifiable variety, but she's good at concealing her insanity level. She only lets that out at family gatherings.

[Consort]

Blanket Pre-Swearing-In Apology for elected politicians and public officials at all levels of government:

"I want to apologize in advance for any pain that I might inflict, wrong decisions I might make, damage I might cause, responsibilities that I might shirk, lapses in judgement that I might demonstrate, and any other miscreant behavior that I might engage in as I serve the people."

[theFIRMbss]

Who's sorry now
Who's sorry now
Whose heart is achin' for breakin' each vow
Who's sad and blue, who's cryin' too
Just like I cried over you

Right to the end
Just like a friend
I tried to warn you somehow
You had your way
Now you must pay
I'm glad that you're sorry now

Right to the end
Just like a friend
I tried to warn you somehow
You had your way
Now you must pay
I'm glad that you're sorry now I'm glad that you're sorry now...

["Who's Sorry Now?" Connie Francis, (B.Kalmar/T.Snyder/H.Ruby)]

[tiamat]

Oh dear.

I know what that's like!

I, on the other hand, exist to make my DAUGHTER crazy!

;-)