P.J. O'Rourke on the Scots:
SCOTS
Racial Characteristics:
Sour, stingy, depressing beggars who parade around in schoolgirl skirts with nothing on underneath. Their fumbled attempt at speaking the English language has been a source of amusement for five centuries, and their idiot music has been dreaded by those not blessed with deafness for at least as long. The latter is produced on a device resembling five flutes that have grown a piss bladder. Formerly, the Scots painted themselves blue and ranged far and wide over the British Isles, but good fortune prevailed and they were conquered by their betters. What passes for an alcoholic beverage in the dreary province to which the Scots have been driven has enjoyed a short vogue among fairies and advertising types, but this appears to be giving way to cocaine.
Good Points:
Attractive plaids.
Proper Forms of Address:
Scotty, Jock, legs, plaid ass.
An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Scots Character:
In recent years, the small Scottish Nationalist movement has become so desperate that it's been kidnapping money and ransoming it for people.
