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It is with great sadness that the FOUNDATION for MISGUIDED YOUNG PEOPLE remembers the untimely death of RACHEL CORRIE of OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON in the UNITED STATES. Rachel showed her devotion to “progressive activism” by jumping in front of a moving bulldozer in the Gaza Strip about 20 miles west of the Israeli city of Beersheva. The bulldozer was about to demolish the home of a young man who had just blown himself up on a public bus. Like most collisions between bulldozers and people, it was not a pretty sight. She was not wearing a seat belt, and the front of the bulldozer did not have an airbag. Rachel really believed in her cause and wanted to make a statement. Her fellow “progressive activists” claim the bulldozer ran her over deliberately, but most people learn very early in life not to jump in front of moving heavy construction equipment. Really, think about it, have you ever seen anyone being chased by a bulldozer???

It is a terrible shame that Rachel will never grow up and out of her crazy, left wing ideas on how the world can be made a better place. She will never get married, have children, buy a home in the ‘burbs and a minivan and vote republican (or even liberal democrat) like every other mature person. She will never have a chance to tell her children about the stupid things she did when she was younger. She will never know the fear of putting her children on an airplane; knowing that the al-Qaida terrorist group has acquired shoulder launched anti-aircraft missiles for use against American civilian aircraft. She will never again have to take her shoes off at an airport to show she is not a terrorist hiding a bomb. But at least we know, that Rachel has achieved martyr status, enjoying eternity with 70 (or is it 72?) black eyed, male virgins. Maybe 2 of the them are Uday and Qusay Hussein.

HOW YOU CAN HELP "HONOR" RACHEL CORRIE:

Andy Warhol said that in the future, everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. Rachel got only about 4 minutes on ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN. Call up these networks and tell them you want the other 11 minutes.

Buy lots of imported oil. This will help our allies; the Saudis (whose country is 95 times larger than Israel) fight on against the evil Zionist empire. Hopefully they won’t use any of that money to send more of their people to crash planes into our tall buildings.

Never discuss how any particular ethnic group likes to hijacks airplanes. Remember, someday a Buddhist monk, an Eskimo or a Mormon may hijack a plane and then you will feel really dumb.

Do not buy anything from Victoria's Secret. Their products are used by Zionists in their mating rituals, hence producing MORE ZIONISTS!!!!. To make sure you never buy any of these products by mistake, we urge to spend several hours visiting their website.

Boycott McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut and Starbucks since they are really agents of “American cultural imperialism”. Learn why everyone is talking about TOFU!!!!!.

Do not buy celphones from Erickson, Nokia or Motorola. Zionists work at these companies. Simply buy 2 paper cups and a long piece of string and tie them together. As an added bonus, no more long term contracts.

Boycott the Windows and Macintosh operating systems. They are very popular in Israel. There are many used manual typewriters on sale at flea markets and garage sales. As for email, you can always use your low-tech communication device. (the 2 cups with the string).

Repeat the following statement out loud several times a day:

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS NOT MARTIN SHEEN.

Send an angry letter to the president of Caterpillar, the manufacturer of the bulldozer. Tell them the radical left has a lot of influence with Midwestern farmers and construction workers.

Send a lot of emails to high government officials in many countries. I am sure they don't get enough email from crackpots.

Anytime you meet a Jewish person in your town, scream at the top of your lungs that they are a “ZIONIST BLOODSUCKER”. This in NOT racism, it is “progressive activism”.

If you are diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, do not use a medication called INTERFERON in your course of chemotherapy. It may be very effective, but it is manufactured by the TEVA pharmaceutical company in Tel Aviv, Israel. In fact, you should picket the cancer ward of any hospital that offers it.

If you are in college, you may know an angry left wing nut that lives down the hall in your dormitory. Politely listen and smile when he explains the subtle differences between communism, socialism, Marxism, Leninism, Stalinism, and Trotskyism. He will tell you why he believes in one and not the other. Really, they do mean well.

They will also tell you that the former Soviet Union, China, Cuba and North Korea are not true communism. That someday a wonderful communist country will arise in the United States after we realize that the Free Enterprise system is so bad. Just smile and look at your watch and tell them you are late for an appointment or something.

BE CAREFUL, angry leftists have no sense of humor. Any joke you make will send them into a tirade about how you are ruining the lives of people in other countries by buying things that they make.

WARNING---- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES QUESTION HER BELIEFS. She may get so angry that her brain may explode, leaving a terrible mess on your new sofa and drapes.

Ask them what evil capitalist corporations their parent’s work for to pay for their tuition.

Even better, introduce them to someone who has ever lived in a communist country. It will be more entertaining then a WWF wrestling match.

Excerpted from rachal_ism