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I'd Leave the Country, but My Wife Won't Let Me Bush Takes Aim at My American Family
TheVillageVoice ^ | March 3 - 9, 2004 | Laura Conaway

Posted on 03/04/2004 5:12:03 PM PST by fight_truth_decay

"I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old, but never more desperately than last Tuesday, when the president announced that my gay family should be banned by the U.S. Constitution. Suddenly, expatriation stopped being about wool berets and red wine at lunch. My loved ones and I were standing at the wrong end of a government's gun—not literally, of course, but in a way that threatens our deepest understanding of our lives. Our hopes for a happy, loving, ordinary marriage had become a national threat. George Bush had called for an amendment against same-sex marriage.

"Can we just go to Canada now?" I asked my wife, knowing the answer. We argue remarkably little for people who have a toddler and spend every possible moment together. Except we do have this one running debate at the breakfast table, which starts with me saying we could get legally married, right now, north of the border. Sarah holds up the weather page and says, "Hey, that cold air out there? It came from Canada, and it got warmer on the way."

It's warm in Vancouver, I say.

And we could be freer there. But she's not going, for reasons beyond the mercury. She wants to live as an American—more specifically, as a New Yorker—regardless of whether this America wants her. She wants our son to grow up an American, even if it means he'll lack the protections of the kid next door. Being American matters to her, and that means it matters to me. Four years ago this fall, we stood before an Episcopal priest and were pronounced married for life, for better, for worse. "Those whom God has joined together," the priest warned, "let no one put asunder." I won't leave her, Mr. Bush, not even on account of you.

But, oh, the siren call of liberty. Blame my parents for making me rootless by moving too often. Blame me for believing any place with equal rights and a bookstore is good enough. I can accept exile, but I cannot accept less than fair. I want to be a full citizen, with this woman, today. I want to do whatever it takes, sacrifice whatever is necessary, go wherever I have to, for that to be so.

I want to be taxed equally. I want my Social Security benefits to go somewhere besides down the drain. I want the Fifth Amendment right not to testify against Sarah, and to protect our private correspondence from subpoena, the same as other spouses. Couples like us don't have that right. Surprised? Rosie O'Donnell and her wife were, when the lawyers came after them.

I want our politicians and religious leaders to stop going on television and suggesting that legalizing marriage for us would be like legalizing sex with dogs. My wife, in my arms? They are talking about my wife, in my arms. Do they know, do they care, how much that hurts? Where must we run to be safe from them?

I want my wife not to feel such pressure and fear that she curls up in bed at night and cries. On the night of Wednesday, February 25, a woman in Brooklyn lay crying because she can't understand why people would hate her so, why they'd have to denigrate a beautiful and private part of her life with the most heinous rhetoric. Think about that. My wife lay in tears because strangers are clamoring for the power to decide whether she belongs, whether the American promise should hold true for her—as if there were any question which way they'd vote.

What stands between us and them? A couple dozen senators, and some of those are on the fence. Where is our right to a meaningful marriage, to the honest pursuit of happiness? We want our justice and "domestic tranquility." Whose country is this, anymore? Someone tell me. I get the feeling it's no longer mine.

For me, one of parenting's most profound lessons is that I am supposed to take care of Sarah and the baby, collectively, as a unit. It's not like she's a helpless damsel and I'm a butch knight—if anyone's the tough guy around here, it's her. Rather, I believe all mothers need protecting so they can get on with the open-hearted business of mothering. What works for me is to have Sarah come first, and with Sarah comes the baby. If there are two seats on the life raft, I'm drowning. House fire, I'm first in for the kid. Not enough food, I'm hungry, not her and not him.

Now comes an enemy who outweighs me, outnumbers me, corners me at will. And you know how I can really tell I'm overmatched? I wish it away. I say to Sarah, they'll never get this marriage amendment out of the Senate. They may get it out of the House, but never the Senate. This blustering of mine is worth only so much. We each know the amendment would likely pass in the states—it would need approval from 38, and that many already have statutes against gay marriage. Would Sarah leave then? She says maybe.

I look for example to older African Americans, though many of them don't want us, either. Not wanting to offend, I silently think of the children marching into the fire hoses of Birmingham, the adults who sat at segregated lunch counters while mobs poured ketchup on their heads. Some mothers and fathers back then asked their kids to be first through the schoolhouse door, rocks and bullets and all. Others left for the relative tolerance up North in places like Chicago and Harlem, unwilling to make an existence of waiting. I know what's happening to us isn't the same as that, exactly, but it requires of me the same kind of courage. You just hope the breakthrough happens in your lifetime.

The privacy of this struggle may be the worst part, the continued aloneness of being. So many people don't get it. They say things to us like "Being married isn't all it's cracked up to be"—as if we weren't religiously married already, as if being blocked from the city clerk's door were great fun. They say, "Wouldn't civil unions be enough?" or, now that gay couples are marrying out West, "I'd hate for this marriage thing to win Bush the election." They say, "You really have to pay taxes like that?" and "Being domestic partners doesn't help you?" and "You should see the marriage penalty we pay." They say, "Oh, I wish it were different for you." They say, "Come to our wedding! We're getting married!"

Sometimes I think the greatest hindrance to our cause is the sheer force of the American legend. So strongly do people believe this country stands for freedom that they can't fathom it's ever otherwise. Sign a few contracts, the well-intentioned advise, and you'll get all the same rights as straight couples—that's an outrageous fiction, but not as outrageous as the notion that being almost equal under the law is good enough.

For now, we can't get even that far, with leaders like Bush smirking at this thing Sarah and I call marriage. Should he need proof of the moral weight of our vows, I'd ask him to consider this: If it weren't for the true marriage I'm in, and the needs of the wife I've pledged to love, I would flee this America to fulfill my own dream of equality. Instead, with no small sum of fear, I will stay with her and fight.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Government; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; US: California; US: Massachusetts; US: New York; US: Oregon
KEYWORDS: civilunion; goodridance; homosexualagenda; marriage; villagevoice
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Might Kerry, if elected, have a hard time upholding his promise granting state-sanctioned married gay couples the same federal rights and benefits married straight couples? Granting federal rights to same-sex couples contradicts a major provision of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act. The provisions state federal benefits for married people may not apply to same-sex couples and that judgments stemming from a same-sex union are not portable from state to state. While marriage and civil unions are not considered a "judgment" in legal terms, divorce, child support, and probate are judgments. What legal mess could arise if a partner dissatisfied with the litigated decision regarding divorce, in one state decided to litigate in another?
1 posted on 03/04/2004 5:12:05 PM PST by fight_truth_decay
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To: fight_truth_decay; ahadams2
Four years ago this fall, we stood before an Episcopal priest and were pronounced married for life, for better, for worse. "Those whom God has joined together," the priest warned, "let no one put asunder."

One could wonder just who it was who joined them...

2 posted on 03/04/2004 5:14:51 PM PST by Eala (Sacrificing tagline fame for... TRAD ANGLICAN RESOURCE PAGE: http://eala.freeservers.com/anglican)
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To: fight_truth_decay
I quit reading during the first sentence, where it stated "the president announced that my gay family should be banned by the U.S. Constitution". What a load of crap. They'll be living together the same way they have been.
3 posted on 03/04/2004 5:14:51 PM PST by squidly (Money is inconvenient for them: give them victuals and an arse-clout, it is enough.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
"I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old, but never more desperately than last Tuesday, when the president announced that my gay family should be banned by the U.S. Constitution.

Yeh yeh. Cry me a river.
Buh bye. Don't let the door hit you in that well worn out ass.
PS....homosexual sex fetishists don't have families. They can't mate. They just borrow someone else's.

4 posted on 03/04/2004 5:16:24 PM PST by concerned about politics ( Liberals are still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy)
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To: fight_truth_decay
I'm sure the trial lawyers are almost beside themselves for joy at the prospects of wide-spread gay marriage !

The case law to arise ! The precedents ! And, best of all, THE FEES !!!
5 posted on 03/04/2004 5:17:02 PM PST by genefromjersey (So little time - so many FLAMES to light !!)
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To: Eala
These people are grotesque and vile. They hate America, they hate 'us normals,' and above all, they *HATE* traditional morality.
6 posted on 03/04/2004 5:18:16 PM PST by Antoninus (Federal Marriage Amendment NOW!)
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To: fight_truth_decay
Sick wretch. As B.G. says, "It's sick out there, and getting sicker."
7 posted on 03/04/2004 5:18:45 PM PST by Salvey
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To: squidly
You're exactly right. That's where I stopped reading. What an alarmist.
8 posted on 03/04/2004 5:19:12 PM PST by johniegrad
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To: fight_truth_decay
Funny, how marriage is considered an outdated concept, just a piece of paper, and a form of slavery for the wife....unless when it is for homosexuals.
9 posted on 03/04/2004 5:20:33 PM PST by Paul Atreides (Is it really so difficult to post the entire article?)
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To: fight_truth_decay
I sure hope he doesn't go away mad.
10 posted on 03/04/2004 5:21:03 PM PST by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: fight_truth_decay



freaks
11 posted on 03/04/2004 5:21:31 PM PST by PLMerite ("Unarmed, one can only flee from Evil. But Evil isn't overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper)
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To: Antoninus
Suddenly, expatriation stopped being about wool berets and red wine at lunch.

Doesn't this say it all?

12 posted on 03/04/2004 5:21:49 PM PST by Paul Atreides (Is it really so difficult to post the entire article?)
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To: Eala
One could wonder just who it was who joined them...

Homosexuality and bestiality are parts of Satanic rituals. Satanism is based on worldly pleasure now, because according to Satan there is no afterlife. He promises heaven while still in the flesh.

Boy, won't the Episcopalians who believe the seducing spirits and doctrines of demons be surprised when they die !!! "Hello. Welcome to your eternal home. Please, pull up a burning cinder. Have a seat."

13 posted on 03/04/2004 5:22:22 PM PST by concerned about politics ( Liberals are still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy)
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To: fight_truth_decay
"I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old

By all means GO!

14 posted on 03/04/2004 5:24:37 PM PST by jwalburg (We CAN Question their Patriotism!)
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To: fight_truth_decay
"I want...I want...I want...I want....

Hey, I want a million dollars. Will this lesie give it to me?

15 posted on 03/04/2004 5:24:54 PM PST by concerned about politics ( Liberals are still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy)
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To: jwalburg
Somehow, I don't think that leaving the country is what she has been fantasizing about since 12.
16 posted on 03/04/2004 5:25:35 PM PST by Paul Atreides (Is it really so difficult to post the entire article?)
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To: genefromjersey
You are quite correct, Sir!
17 posted on 03/04/2004 5:25:43 PM PST by mrtysmm
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To: fight_truth_decay
LOL, great find!!
The sooner these pigs get their fat, disease-infested rumps out of here, the better. Canada is perfect for them. shame about the toddler, though. (How sick is THAT?)
18 posted on 03/04/2004 5:26:55 PM PST by Lancey Howard
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To: genefromjersey
That was one of my first thoughts as well.
19 posted on 03/04/2004 5:27:00 PM PST by fight_truth_decay
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To: Liberty Valance
I sure hope he doesn't go away mad

Ah. He's a she.

20 posted on 03/04/2004 5:27:01 PM PST by paul51
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To: concerned about politics
I'll be glad when homosexuals get over their hetero-envy.
21 posted on 03/04/2004 5:27:21 PM PST by Paul Atreides (Is it really so difficult to post the entire article?)
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To: Liberty Valance
I sure hope he doesn't go away mad.

Opps. I thought it was a "she."
I guess one homosexual is just as perverse as another. You have to turn them upside down to figure out their real gender these days.

22 posted on 03/04/2004 5:27:24 PM PST by concerned about politics ( Liberals are still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy)
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To: fight_truth_decay
I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old

My fantasy, other than watching you leave, is watching you and your wife get it on...

23 posted on 03/04/2004 5:28:05 PM PST by Drango (Liberals give me a rash that even penicillin can't cure.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
That's sick. Both of them should go to Canada & may the door not hit their behinds on the way out.
24 posted on 03/04/2004 5:28:35 PM PST by madison10
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To: squidly
I quit reading during the first sentence, where it stated "the president announced that my gay family should be banned by the U.S. Constitution".

Same place I stopped :-)

25 posted on 03/04/2004 5:30:02 PM PST by StACase
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To: fight_truth_decay
that ain't no marriage
and you ain't no husband...

and it wasn't God who "joined" you.
26 posted on 03/04/2004 5:30:07 PM PST by millefleur
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To: Drango
I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old

My fantasy, other than watching you leave, is watching you and your wife get it on...

ROTF. You're definitely a normal heterosexual male. LOL.

27 posted on 03/04/2004 5:30:42 PM PST by concerned about politics ( Liberals are still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy)
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To: fight_truth_decay
Where's the Barf alert?!
28 posted on 03/04/2004 5:31:19 PM PST by tuckrdout (Terri Schindler (Schiavo) deserves to have her wishes honored: Give her a DIVORCE!)
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To: fight_truth_decay
If only these threats to leave the country would be carried out!
29 posted on 03/04/2004 5:31:28 PM PST by OldFriend (Always understand, even if you remain among the few)
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To: fight_truth_decay
I stopped right here...

I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old

didn't feel the need to read anyfurther...just thought to say, Than get the Hell out..we don't want you.

30 posted on 03/04/2004 5:33:28 PM PST by Blue Scourge (Off I go into the Wild Blue Yonder...)
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To: fight_truth_decay
How do they decide who's the husband and who's the wife? Count chromosomes? Is one more comfortable wearing the tool belt?
31 posted on 03/04/2004 5:33:40 PM PST by clintonh8r (Vietnam veteran against John Kerry.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
Homosexuality is a voluntary perversion. It is a chosen behavior, not a trait.

For these people to embrace this perversion and then demand societal benefits by aping normal conventions, e.g. marriage, is astounding!

By all means, the article's author and its "wife" should leave the country. And don't let the door hit its butt on the way out!
32 posted on 03/04/2004 5:35:33 PM PST by DakotaGator
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To: fight_truth_decay
Darnit!!! If Bush just hadn't said that, this guy was going to vote for him!
33 posted on 03/04/2004 5:36:15 PM PST by NeonKnight
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To: clintonh8r
How do they decide who's the husband and who's the wife?

I don't know about you, but -I- don't really want to know the answer to that...

34 posted on 03/04/2004 5:36:39 PM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
She wants our son to grow up an American, even if it means he'll lack the protections of the kid next door.
======================================================

HERE IS WHAT IS IN STORE FOR A SON WHO HAS TWO MOMMIES.

35 posted on 03/04/2004 5:36:57 PM PST by doug from upland (Don't wait until it is too late to stop Hillary -- do something today!)
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To: fight_truth_decay
Very "mature" writer.../sarcasm.


Dubya
by Laura Conaway

Very Curious George
See Prez Pick Nose, Pound Chest, Play Alpha at BushorChimp.com

January 24 - 30, 2001

With apologies to our primate cousins, three underclassmen at Tufts took live last fall a singular bit of Internet genius: the realization that George W. Bush, plastic, pouty face and all, looks awfully like a chimpanzee. The students paired photos of Shrub, then swinging for the presidency, with pics culled from nature sites, and voilà—the visual pun e-mailed 'round the world. "It was just kind of a joke," says Alex Reeves, who launched BushorChimp.com with Bill Feldspar and Rich Sullivan. "All of a sudden it blossomed into craziness."

Three Web addresses later, the site is drawing some 30,000 visitors a day, vending T-shirts, and raising money for wildlife preservation. The founders added links, like the one to www.savethechimps.org, after people complained that the comparison to Bush insulted the apes. Most were kidding, but not all. "They said we were furthering the exploitation of chimps in the media," Reeves says.

The trio update their site daily, often with Bush-chimp combos inspired by viewers. They've considered turning the cyberhit into a coffee-table book, but have had trouble scrounging up the photo rights—or even the names of the photogs. Pleas for the shutterbugs to come forward yielded one objection about unauthorized use from a Ranger Rick editor. "I'm not even that Internet savvy," says Reeves. "I just think it's, like, fun."

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0104/conaway.php


36 posted on 03/04/2004 5:37:30 PM PST by kcvl
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To: fight_truth_decay
Whose country is this, anymore? Someone tell me. I get the feeling it's no longer mine.

She talks as though America has suddenly turned against homosexuality. Like it was accepted in Grandma Walton's day.

37 posted on 03/04/2004 5:37:39 PM PST by BykrBayb (Temporary tagline. Applied to State of New Jersey for permanent tagline (12/24/03).)
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To: Eala

38 posted on 03/04/2004 5:38:29 PM PST by kcvl
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To: fight_truth_decay
And, once again, someone demands that society alter to accomodate their particular outlook, that they are diminished if the mountains and earth are not re-arranged to accomodate them, that, should they not be allowed to dictate the arrangement and configuration of the fabric of law, society, and human existance, that it is injustice. Overblown self-centeredness.

This stems from the misconception that marriage is between two people. It is not. It is between two people and everyone else, who must accomodate, recognize, endorse, facilitate, and institutionalize for them.

39 posted on 03/04/2004 5:38:31 PM PST by atomicpossum (Fun pics in my profile)
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To: squidly
Exactly. These liberals are hillarious. For decades they've attacked and minimized the role of the "family"...and now because they can't get married, the family becomes an issue for them.
40 posted on 03/04/2004 5:39:51 PM PST by cwb (Kerry may have saved one man but he abandoned thousands of others)
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To: BykrBayb
Slavery’s Legacy Shackled the Black Vote—And Cost Gore Thousands of Ballots
Democracy in Chains

by Laura Conaway & James Ridgeway
November 29 - December 5, 2000

They meant to vote for Al Gore. Many came from the black, poor, education-deprived neighborhoods of Jacksonville, and had never cast a ballot before. But they got on the buses in Duval County, Florida, and they went to the polls. They did just what the Democratic organizers instructed: Punch a hole on every page.



http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0048/fridgeway.php
41 posted on 03/04/2004 5:41:33 PM PST by kcvl
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To: BykrBayb
Like it was accepted in Grandma Walton's day.

Hey, everybody knows Grandma Walton was a goer, back in the day.

;O)

42 posted on 03/04/2004 5:42:53 PM PST by Petronski (John Kerry looks like . . . like . . . weakness.)
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To: kcvl
Ugh. Every one of those pairs is a mockery.
43 posted on 03/04/2004 5:45:15 PM PST by Eala (Sacrificing tagline fame for... TRAD ANGLICAN RESOURCE PAGE: http://eala.freeservers.com/anglican)
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To: fight_truth_decay
"Our hopes for a happy, loving, ordinary marriage"

...between two women.

"Whose country is this, anymore? Someone tell me. I get the feeling it's no longer mine."

Here's my observation: gay marraige isn't legal most places in the US, and hasn't been legal. Listening to these people, you'd think that it had always been legal and that just now GWB was trying to illegalize it.

They're the ones trying to push an agenda on us while they act like we're trying legislate them.
44 posted on 03/04/2004 5:48:05 PM PST by Sofa King (MY rights are not subject to YOUR approval http://www.angelfire.com/art2/sofaking/index.html)
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To: fight_truth_decay
"I've fantasized about leaving this country since I was 12 years old,

Please make it a reality.

45 posted on 03/04/2004 5:48:20 PM PST by b4its2late (For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
Canada? Sound like she's got the "Call of the Flannel"
46 posted on 03/04/2004 5:49:09 PM PST by TC Rider (The United States Constitution 1791. All Rights Reserved.)
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To: fight_truth_decay
This is making people MORE determined to have the FMA. The homosexuals should move to scandanavia. It is a homosexual paradise.

This article is attempting to co-opt the word "family". It is not a homosexual sex partner, its "family".

The NY AG provided the roadmap of the homosexuals. All states will be sued to force recognition based on equal protection. Why? because sex is an individual adult right, FFC is exposed to a potential (but increadibly weak) public policy exception. Either way either would eventually work to kill 1996 DMA.

We have to have FMA. My vote will be cast with the FMA and I will be urging others to do the same.

Kerry would federalize civil unions. Imigration, social security would all be drained in order to give governemnt sanction to an adult sex act.
47 posted on 03/04/2004 5:50:11 PM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: concerned about politics
No matter how many loony judges say its legal, and no matter how many worthless licenses are issued, gays will never really be married.
48 posted on 03/04/2004 5:51:14 PM PST by TonyM
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To: Liberty Valance
I believe the "HE" you speak of is infact a "SHE".... that is were the whole GAY marriage thing would come in...
49 posted on 03/04/2004 5:51:30 PM PST by bellas_sister
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To: fight_truth_decay
"Our hopes for a happy, loving, ordinary marriage had become a national threat."

Excuse me, a happy, loving,ordinary marriage, i.e., between a man and a woman, which is ordinary, has not become a national threat. When you try to skew a marriage as anything else, it is not a marriage.
50 posted on 03/04/2004 5:52:01 PM PST by giznort
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