Need Help From Freeper Females (vanity)

4/21/2004 | Jaysun

[Jaysun]

Hey, that's a pretty good one. I think that I know what kind of Maxi Pads you're talking about. Don't they wrap those with butcher's paper and hand them out on airplanes now? Maybe that's what they did to use up all of the old ones that were sent it (as apposed to ignited). They also use those old Super Shammie car cloths as blankets. They're frugal as hell aren't they?

[Jaysun]

I don't think maxipads have been made out of cotton in my lifetime, general. Nylon is the closest thing to a natural fiber in those things. And nylon melts, as you discovered

This seems like a good time to ask an otherwise inappropriate question. I've been wondering what they make the new ones out of. One fell out of my wife's purse in the car. I thought that it was a damned individually wrapped saltine cracker. How in the world can that be as effective as the airplane pillow sized antique models were? Doesn't make sense.

[general_re]

All I know is that they were huge, much larger than the ones I am required to fetch from the store every now and then for my own wife. It does occur to me that it might actually be useful to have a package of these jumbos up at camp, although obviously not for torches - you could stop up a leaky roof by strategically placing a few of them, for example...

[Jaysun]

The poor guy's head must be absolutely raw and oozing. Has anyone talked with his wife?

We made the decision not to tell his wife anything. I think that he's going to say that he lost a bet when he gets home. She knew that he had peanut butter in his hair because we called her right after he told us that he got the idea from her, but that's all she knows. The general consensus is that we can't tell is wife, because he'd have a hard time facing his family as a respectable man after repeatedly making such an ass of himself.

[Quix]

Wellllllllllllllllll, if there's

THAT much resistence to such a healthy needful thing . . . guess I've been out of this culture too long . . .

maybe it's not worth the risk.

It could still work with such mentalities, habits, customs and sensibilities, but the social star in the group would likely have to lead it and the others would have to buy into it fairly quickly. Sounds like a lot of very unlikely if's.

Would it be worth the risks? Probably not--especially if he's already coming around toward sociability and camaraderie again.

Then there's the technical skill aspect. If no one has any skill at all--such as they might commonly use on their spouses, then the clumsiness would add to the discomfiture. If someone had skill, they could teach the rest of the team ahead of time so it really would at least be a good muscle experience comparable to a good visit to a bone cracker.

But a key aspect would be persisting with a light hearted, jovial, perhaps even noisy raucous massage of the key muscles and joints on his limbs, shoulders and neck until he started to relax and actually receive it without fighting it or being self-conscious about it--to actually begin to receive it as caring from his long time buddies in a real multidimensional bonding mellowing out and casting the hair part of the whole thing in a much more accepting, what the heck sort of spirit and feel.

For that to happen, the team would have to DECIDE AHEAD OF TIME or shortly into it that their self-consciousness was not worth bothering about either. Not sure your team would be up to that.

I wouldn't risk belaboring this suggestion except that I know how powerful such can be in healthy, NONgay ways. And, I know that typically, most men run around "skin starved" regardless of how much healthy sex they get.

It is just very difficult to communicate caring through such healthy touch and it be phoney. IF THE CARING IS THERE, IT WILL GET THROUGH if one persists enough and there's any shred of openness to it, at all.

Of course, some people are so paranoid over sexuality issues that they can't handle giving or receiving such in even nonsexual ways. Then there are the idiots who think they can't tell the difference.

Anyway--just a suggestion. I don't know that it would be the end of the world if not followed or a hallellujah chorus if it was. There's a lot of potential for great good--but it would really depend thoroughly on the personalities and true caring involved.


Rummy giving a foot rub? I could imagine Rummy doing it to

1) his wife
2) a dying soldier

But it would require very special circumstances for the latter.

I think Rummy can be very caring and tender hearted as well as thoughtful. How often he demonstrates that is another issue.

[Quix]

Sending him to a parlor would feel good to him and might restore some of his self-respect slightly.

But it wouldn't achieve anything significant for the group, imho.

[Nataku X]

That's a little kinky don't you think?

Ah, dang, my hair-in-a-can fetish has been exposed.

Seriously, this thread gave me the biggest case of laughs I've had in years. Thank you!

[Jaysun]

But only IF some clever, talented dude draws a suitable ANTIKOMMIEKERRY CARTOON on top of it! Perhaps you could rent the space to the Bush campaign?

You're brilliant. You are brilliant. We've been trying to figure out ways to make money off of this deal. I think that if we found the right tattoo artist and made a few calls, we could sell advertising space. We'll reserve his upper forehead as an Anti-Kerry spot - we have no problem providing that free of charge to the President's campaign.

[Jaysun]

It does occur to me that it might actually be useful to have a package of these jumbos up at camp, although obviously not for torches - you could stop up a leaky roof by strategically placing a few of them, for example...

I agree with that. I'd wager that those things could also be used as flotation devices if needed.

[hellinahandcart]

They are now filled with superabsorbent ultra-compressed non-natural materials. So they take up less room. They even have them for THONGS now.

Since it is Earth Day, I might as well mention that maxipads and tampons are as endangered as disposable diapers and flush toilets. The environmentalists want women to go back to monthly seclusion, I suppose.

[Quix]

LOL X 10!

You're far too kind.

LOL!

Just NEVER give him anything close to MY address!

. . .

HMMMMM possibilities . . . . You know those little white twinkly lights often used for advertising or along trees outside some restaurant . . . I wonder if one could make a halo affair to fit just where a monk's hairline would have gone.

I suppose he could charge up the battery chasing the perpetrators!

Tattoos . . . Naw . . . permanent markers are probably sufficient. Besides, selling the space periodically to the highest bidder would be a better way to go financially, I'd think.

Great to offer so much space to the Bush campaign! They should be eternally grateful and impressed!

And what if you started a trend! Victory would be assured.
Though the odds of that starting a trend are probably less than astronomical.

[hellinahandcart]

Throw a couple of them in your first-aid kit in the car. Seriously. If you're in an accident and bleeding badly, slap on a maxi and strap it down with some adhesive tape.

[general_re]

I'd wager that those things could also be used as flotation devices if needed.

Well, sure - someone falls overboard, you toss a package in the lake, they absorb the entire lake, and your friend walks back to shore....

[Quix]

Just think, you could affix the white twinkly lights with a series of strategic scalp piercings. It would be a world first, I'm sure!

LOL!

I'm playing hooky too much today. You're contributing to the delinquency of a 57 year old. . . . or vice versa.

[Jaysun]

Would it be worth the risks? Probably not--especially if he's already coming around toward sociability and camaraderie again.

Oh, he's not coming around toward sociability and camaraderie again. Not yet. We have a simple system in place that takes care of that. It isn't written or spoken, but it's understood. I can tell you exactly what he's praying for. He relishes the moment that some other poor sap temporarily falls out of favor so that he can join the rest of the group in attacking him. That's how someone rejoins the herd around here. Just kidding. The great thing about our group of guys is that we seem to be incapable of experiencing "emotional trauma". We don't have to worry about offending or hurting someone's feelings. That's just the way we like it.

[Quix]

Have been trying to think of an alternative more suited to your group norms and personalities . . .

Is there a lake nearby?

You could march into his room, hoist him on the group's shoulders and proceed to carry him out to the lake and toss him in--just for good measure or to add insult to injury.

Or,

You could all march in, hoist him on your shoulders and carry him to the living room or outside to a grassy area and proceed to pummel him gently or wrestle him vigorously but gently--communicating in an unspoken but strong yet gentle way that you cared for him and wanted to be with him, close to him.

You could use as an ostensible excuse--to 'give it to him' until he smiled or laughed or forgave all of you or some such.

Perhaps those 2 ideas will trigger something on your own.

[general_re]

If you're in an accident and bleeding badly, slap on a maxi and strap it down with some adhesive tape.

Won't that look kind of funny in the emergency room, me being a man and all?

Oh, wait - you mean slap it on the wound. Gotcha ;)

[Jaysun]

Since it is Earth Day, I might as well mention that maxipads and tampons are as endangered as disposable diapers and flush toilets. The environmentalists want women to go back to monthly seclusion, I suppose

Can you blame them? Imagine if a few dozen of those babies found their way to the ocean. It would lower the sea level by 12 feet overnight.

It's Earth Day? What do you do on Earth Day? We're thinking about going out and enjoying it. You know, clearing some trees out for a better view, shooting a few ducks, emptying some industrial chemicals into private wells..... I hate the environuts.

[Quix]

That sounds wonderful.

Providing a lot of stuff isn't stuffed and buried, lurking in the closets of the heart.

[Jaysun]

That sounds wonderful. Providing a lot of stuff isn't stuffed and buried, lurking in the closets of the heart.

Hey don't you worry. All of those words like "feelings", "emotions", "caring", and so on.....you might as well be speaking Chinese to us. We have no idea what you're talking about.