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To: js1138
I couldn't figure out how to make some of the lines scan. The song is supposed to be entirely in iambic octameter except for the last line of the odd-numbered choruses which includes two extra (repeated) syllables.

Forgive me for disecting things, but perhaps you can tweak them to make something more singable.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate, 
From character to senator I know what to assassinate
I lobby for the victims of injustice and adversities
And care for those disabled when compared to my abilities.
Up to this point, scansion is perfect. "Abilities" isn't a good rhyme for "adversities", however; for two words or phrases to rhyme well, the last difference between them should be the first consonant of a STRESSED syllable or the last consonant immediately preceding. In a solidly iamblic form such as "I am the very model of a modern major general", therefore, rhyming words should end with one or three rhyming syllables (note that every single rhyme in IATVMOAMMG is a triple-rhyme).
I've slept with movie stars and yachted with the Kennedys,
I've copied their initials and shared in their amenities;
And in the field of foreign wars my service is distinguished
As soon as all the ugly rumors are extinguished.
Scansion on these lines doesn't work. The first line is short by a pair of syllables. The second needs a syllable added somewhere between "initials" and "shared". The third could work if you threw a grave over the "e" in distinguished [to make it four syllables]. The fourth falls a pair of syllables short and also needs a grave to make "extinguished" four syllables.
I'm boarded prepped and schooled in snowy Switzerland,
My haircuts and my facials put me out at least a grand
My visage in the mirror never ceases to me fascinate
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.
First line is two pairs of syllables short; second is one pair short. I like the last two lines, though.
In short his visage never ceases to him fascinate
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.
First line is a syllable pair short. G&S style would be to repeat the previous couplet exactly.

I married very well, I did, and married nearly twice,
The first was just for practice though the kids they say are nice.
My first wife though depressive and annulled is still a friend,
My second wife is richer still and is a major brand.
All four lines scan well except that they come a pair of syllables short.
Opinions, like my marriages, I always form in pairs,
I'm married to ideas when they belong to millionaires;
So right and wrong are nuanced and I have my haws and hems,
I'll never rush to judgment like Lord Hamlet on the Thames.
Again, scansion is clean except for line length (one pair short each).
I am the very model of a presidential candidate
In matters war and peaceful I can spin and vacillate
When I am president at last, we will surely will have peace
Unless the right wing leader of some Haiti or some Greece
Lines 2-4 scan well but come out a syllable-pair short.
Stirs up an insurrection that requires my attention
Or extra votes are needed just before the next election.
In which case I will castigate severely the aggressor.
Or maybe delegate the task to the U.N. or my successor.
The first two lines will scan properly if "attention" and "election" are read as four syllables each: "att-en-ti-on". The third and fourth lines fall a syllable short right at the end.

Because most of the scansion is pretty good, it shouldn't be too hard to tweak things so as to fully fit the double-octameter pattern of G&S. Although IATVMOAMMG is perhaps the most parodied of the G&S songs, it is also one of the most rigid in form even though very few parodies properly handle the triple-rhymes. Something like "When you're lying awake with a dismal headache" isn't quite rigid in form, since while most lines have 22 syllables, some have 23 and some have 21. By contrast, every line on IATVMOAMMG has exactly sixteen syllables except for the lines in which a pair of syllables is repeated (which thus have 18).

One thing for which I will give you credit is that, while many of the lines fall a syllable-pair short, the word stresses for the most part work. This is much better than some attempts I've seen where the word stresses come across as basically random.

17 posted on 05/05/2004 1:01:27 AM PDT by supercat (Why is it that the more "gun safety" laws are passed, the less safe my guns seem?)
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To: supercat
Your notes are noted. It was 2:00 am, and time to get something out the door.
25 posted on 05/05/2004 6:08:31 AM PDT by js1138 (In a minute there is time, for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. J Forbes Kerry)
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To: supercat
Pompous twit.
33 posted on 05/05/2004 6:23:49 AM PDT by O.C. - Old Cracker (When the cracker gets old, you wind up with Old Cracker. - O.C.)
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To: supercat
OK, here's one for the nitpickers.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
From character to senator I know what to assassinate.
I lobby for the victims of injustice and adversity,
And care for those unfortunates who lack my great diversity.
I've slept with movie starlets and I've yachted with the Kennedys,
I've copied their initials and I've shared in their amenities.
And in the field of foreign wars my service is distinguished,
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguished.

Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguished.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguished.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguished.


I'm boarding schooled and prepped and preened in snowy neutral Switzerland,
my haircuts and my super facials put me out at least a grand.
My visage in the mirror never ceases me to fascinate;
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.

In short his mirror visage never ceases him to fascinate;
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.


I married very well, indeed I did, and married nearly twice,
The first for money and for practice, though the kids they say are nice.
My first wife was unwillingly annulled, yet she remains a friend,
My second wife is richer still, and she is quite a major brand.
My intellectual positionings, like marriages, are pairs;
I'm married to ideas, I think, when they belong to billionaires;
So left and right and wrong are nuanced and I have my haws and hems;
And I will never rush to judgment like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.

And I will never rush to judgment like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.
And I will never rush to judgment like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.
And I will never rush to judgment like Prince Hamlet on the Thames.


I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
In matters war and peaceful I will always spin and vacillate.
When I become the president at last, we surely will have peace,
Unless some vast right wing conspiracy in Haiti or in Greece,
Attacks with indefensible assault the People's Insurrection,
Or somewhere ignorant and shameless fools demand a fair election.
Then I will castigate and reprimand severely the aggressor,
Unless perhaps I delegate the task to the U.N. or my successor.

Unless perhaps I delegate the task to the U.N. or my successor.
Unless perhaps I delegate the task to the U.N. or my successor.
Unless perhaps I delegate the task to the U.N. or my successor.
45 posted on 05/05/2004 10:10:19 AM PDT by js1138 (In a minute there is time, for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. J Forbes Kerry)
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