Posted on 05/09/2004 8:17:56 AM PDT by Tunehead54
'Tell him his mom is here'
Some may think Susan Galleymore went to great lengths to check on the condition of her son and the war in Iraq. She doesn't.
By BILL DURYEA, Times Staff Writer
Published May 9, 2004
Like a lot of parents, Susan Galleymore was nervous when her son, Nick, a 26-year-old Army Ranger with the 82nd Airborne, was sent to Iraq. Unlike most parents, she assuaged her anxiety by going to Iraq to visit him.
After the 10-day trip, Galleymore, 48, created a Web site (www.motherspeak.org) where she has recorded interviews with Iraqis and with other mothers of soldiers, both for and against the war. (She continues to post new interviews as they come in.)
Galleymore talked with the St. Petersburg Times about overprotective mothers, thinking for yourself, and how you can tell the difference between a concerned mother and a privatized military.
Times: When did you decide to visit Nick?
Galleymore: When he was deployed to Iraq I went into a lot of panic and not only that, anger, because I really believed that we had no right to go into Iraq in the way that we did.
It became a larger struggle to understand what my child would be doing over there, but also how to cope with the stress of it. I'm a single parent, so I don't have someone I can talk to about it.
I realized if I was going to stay relatively sane I needed to get help. What are other mothers experiencing? From there it became: What's going on with Iraqi mothers?
A military friend of the family told me that I could go to Iraq. He said when he was in Vietnam, there were a couple of times when parents showed up in Danang, where he was base commander. Obviously the military leadership don't like it, but they also can't tell you not to come. So I said, "Well, all right then." I had everything worked out within 10 days.
Times: Did you tell Nick to expect you?
Galleymore: He was on e-mail, but he was not getting information from me as quickly as I was developing it. When he did hear about it, he tried to discourage me. He didn't say I couldn't visit him. He just said, "Don't come to Iraq. It's too dangerous."
Times: Do you have a history of dropping in?
Galleymore: No, I'm the opposite of a protective mother. I grew up in an English household. We're very reserved. People have assumed I'm a woman who can't let go of her child. That's not the truth. The truth is, I'm a woman who's very concerned about the state of my child's health and the health of other children.
Times: It sounds like you're an independent thinker and fairly adventurous.
Galleymore: And I act on my principles. I needed to know what was going on there so I could make a stand, one way or the other. I was not able to do it with the information I was getting.
Times: Did you feel this way when Nick was stationed in Afghanistan?
Galleymore: Not as strongly, no. It was after 9/11. You know, it was considered unpatriotic to say anything against that (invasion). I was not as horrified by the Afghani stuff. I'm ashamed to say that at this point. I also thought that we'd go in, do our thing, trumpet it around and then get out. I did not think we would escalate it into inflaming the whole Middle East and the whole Muslim culture.
I even said to Nicholas, "Look, you can't attack people's cultures like that and think you can go in and do whatever you want with them." He just kind of looked at me. It wasn't the way he was thinking about things, because he'd spent three years in the military.
Times: Tell me how you got over there.
Galleymore: I started looking for groups to travel with. One of the progressive groups in this area that is quite well-known is called Global Exchange and they have a group called Code Pink, which is sort of the feminist street-theater side of that. I called them up and they invited me to be part of their delegation.
Times: When was that exactly?
Galleymore: That was the 25th of January. We met up in Amsterdam. We flew to Amman (Jordan) and then we took a three-car convoy from Amman to Baghdad.
Times: Arriving when?
Galleymore: Late, much later than we should have. It was like 7 o'clock at night. We should have been there at 3 in the afternoon. The convoy was late picking us up. We were delayed at Jordanian passport control. We were hijacked outside of Falluja. There was a bomb in the road on the way into Baghdad that we had to detour around.
Times: These were the things Nick warned you about. What were you thinking at that point?
Galleymore: I understood Nick was concerned. His position was you ought to have a gun, you ought to have a military convoy and all of that. My position was those things attract attention. The only reason we were hijacked is that one of the vehicles (unlike the others) did not have curtains around the interior. Hijackers could see that it was Westerners (inside) and Westerners equal money. (Editor's note: One car was robbed. No one was hurt.)
Times: What was your information about where Nick was stationed?
Galleymore: All I knew was that he was north of Baghdad in the Sunni Triangle. I knew he was with the 82nd, so whenever I saw members of the 82nd, I would ask where they thought he might be.
Times: Did they express any amazement at your presence there?
Galleymore: They all did. (Laughing). We were a women's delegation, so they were all checking us out anyway. But we were a bit of an anomaly wandering around Baghdad. When I did tell them what I was doing, they were like, "Hunh? Gee, I wish my mom would visit me." Then they'd say, "I guess not. She'd just cry all the time."
Times: Did you get little bits of information that tended to get you closer?
Galleymore: No. I knew where the 82nd was. I just didn't know where Nick was. About three days before I left I got an e-mail from Nick, saying, "This is my general location. I can't be more specific than that." He said I should contact the public affairs officer, which I did. I also cc'd the military leadership that needed to know I'd be coming.
Times: How did you find the camp?
Galleymore: I got a driver who was 22, he didn't know the area, so we had to stop and ask a lot of directions, which was actually good because people then began to talk.
He would translate what they would say, but they also used a lot of body language. They would act out the throwing down of Iraqis down onto the ground, the putting of the foot onto the neck, the putting of the bags over the head and the putting of the handcuffs on the wrists. It was impossible to misunderstand what they were saying. We eventually found our way to the air base.
Times: What happened when you pulled up?
Galleymore: I walked up to the soldier searching the cars. I had my hijab on. I said, "I'm coming up behind you, I mean you no harm. I have to talk to your sergeant."
He said, "Get back in your car, ma'am." I said, "I'll get back in my car in a moment, but I do have business here and I need to talk to your sergeant."
I had my American passport in my hand. One of the others at the checkpoint noticed that. "Oh, you're American." They still searched our car and did a quick body search of us. But they were quite friendly.
Times: Did you say who you were related to?
Galleymore: I didn't give the outside folks any details. I walked up to the checkpoint building and happened to walk into a room where there were three or four soldiers and they all knew my son. They were like, "Oh, we know him; we were with him in Afghanistan."
They were really sweet guys, we talked about 20 minutes, about this and that. They don't eat Iraqi food. They don't know anything about Iraqi people. They'd never been off the base.
Times: How did Nick find out you were there?
Galleymore: They radioed him up. They go through a series of code words, they don't just use his name. Finally they couldn't resist, they said, "Tell him his mom is here." So he came through the door, and he was smiling, but he was also shaking his head, like, "What are you doing here?" He wasn't angry, he was just amazed.
Times: What did you talk about?
Galleymore: I brought some stuff for him. I brought See's candy because he likes that. It's sort of a fancy American chocolate company. I brought him flavored powder to mix in water because I'd heard the water didn't taste so good. A disposable camera. I didn't know at that time the military wasn't supplying them socks and underwear or I would have taken that. This is a privatized military. They tell them: "We will launder your socks and underwear, but you have to provide your own."
Times: Can't find that in the budget?
Galleymore: Along with a lot of other things.
Times: So what did you talk about?
Galleymore: I told him we were concerned about him, that his family loves him, we want him to be safe and healthy. I told him I want him to be aware of what he's doing in this country.
We walked around a little bit. We climbed up the guard tower and he pointed out where the mortars were coming in at night.
Times: You say, "I want you to be safe," but, of course, he is in a war zone.
Galleymore: It's absurd to say, "Be safe in a war zone," but I also think that's what I mean: stay safe, don't get hurt, don't lose an arm, don't lose a leg. Of course, he's learning the exact opposite from the military, which is saying, "Be a hero, be brave."
Times: What did he say in response?
Galleymore: He did the standard, "Don't worry. I'll be fine." The stuff sons say.
I let him know I supported his life, if not what he was doing exactly. And I also told him about the people I was meeting in Iraq. I felt (it) was really important to give him a sense that not everybody is in Iraq to fight the Iraqis, not every Iraqi is an enemy.
Most of the people I was talking to were middle-class people, upper-middle-class people, some lower-class people, who just want to have a decent life. It's a very different picture than the one he's getting.
Times: How'd you feel when you were leaving? Mission accomplished?
Galleymore: He was one part of the mission. There were two other arms of the mission. It was hard. You don't know what your kid is going to be up to, whether you're going to see him again. I was very grateful that I had seen him. It's hard to leave your kid behind in a place like that.
Times: Did you know then that he was due to come back soon?
Galleymore: I had heard it was supposed to be the beginning of April. Then there was a discussion about whether he would be extended. I just assumed he would. That was a very bad time. Finally he sent me an e-mail from Germany. That was last Thursday.
Times: Where is he now?
Galleymore: North Carolina. He's supposed to go into his training program in June. So he should get some time off in the next couple of weeks. He said he'll come out to California and visit us here. But again, I haven't gotten any details.
Times: What's the reaction to what you publish on your Web site?
Galleymore: Some people say how brave and courageous I am. Some people say I'm a traitor, that I should be ashamed of myself. Someone called me a "useless f--- b--." It's a range.
Times: For them, what you write overrides the fact you're a military parent.
Galleymore: I don't think of myself as a typical military parent. The stereotype is that you go to all the stuff your kid is involved in. I didn't go to his graduation because he didn't think it was important for me to be there. I didn't meet him off the airplane because he said he didn't think it was important for me to do that; he'd much rather go home and sleep. I am a parent who listens to what her kid says.
Times: Except when he says, "Don't come to Iraq."
Galleymore: Well, he didn't say "Don't come to Iraq for me." I said, "I'm going to Iraq whether you want to see me or not. Because what I'm doing is different from what you are doing." I think there is a difference.
- Bill Duryea can be reached at 727 893-8457 or duryea@sptimes.com
This piece works hard at avoiding the son's motivation and beliefs. Yarrrgh!
He was probably too embarassed to have her there. Poor guy, he deserves better.
Yeah, it is kind of like what the Palestinian homocide bombers do, isn't it?
SO9
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