President Gore closer to finding 911 terrorists BY MAUREEN DOWD NEW YORK - Although it`s only been three years since 911, President Al Gore today said that the US is getting closer and closer each day to finding those people responsible for the September 11th attacks. At a news conference today the President was asked about this tremendous progress and if it was possible that those responsible might have been in the planes when they crashed on Sept 11th 2001. President Gore said that it was possible but it`s not quite probable yet if they were they only ones responsible. When asked if it was possible that those responsible might possibly be in Afghanistan as part of the Taliban, the President responded that it was possible that those responsible might be in Afghanistan as part of the Taliban but the US needs to be more responsible before that can be solvable. When asked if it was possible that he meant he was being responsible to remain hospitable to our valuble French allies, the President replied that he was being responsible to remain hospitable to our valuble French allies. Coming back from a fund raiser the President spoke at a fundraiser at a Hasidic community meeting. "I`ve always loved the Coming back from a fundraiser, the President appeared on Oprah last Tuesday which was being taped in Florida, the state that helped him win the election, and talked more in depth about his work for the enviornment. "Our forests are being cut down at an alarming rate, the ozone layer is looking like the bald spot on top of my |
Editorial
Amish, and I can assure the Mennonite community that the world will be well protected from terrorist threats from around the globe." When asked if that protection also included the United States, the President responded that it was possible to protect the United States and we should all be responsible to keep an eye out for those who may be hostile. When referring to last weeks deadly VX nerve gas attacks in San Francisco that left 600,000 people dead, and last months dirty bomb atomic explosion that obliterated Berkley killing millions, the President confirmed that those individuals who were responsible will be held accountable, and it is possible that it will be most probable that they will be found. When one harsh individual asked about whether we should really care about losing Berkely since it was never a part of the United States to begin with, the President replied that "We all must be reponsible. Berkely was valuble and it was probable that the terrorist attacks can be solvable." When asked what he was going to do to step up precautions against terrorism, the President said he has increased funding to the EPA and that everyday we are cleaning up the fallout as well as taking better precautions against global warming. "Need I remind the people of the United States that 
although it is possible that we have probable terrorists who are hostile, we cannot be irresponsible when it comes to global warming. My fight for the enviornment will never cease, and it is for that reason alone why I chose to rip off the 
head, urban development is out of control and the carbon emissions from so many cars are causing global warming. All these are the direct result of over-population and therefore we must absolutely keep ignoring over-population and keep on protesting the logging community, the depletion of the ozone layer, urban sprawl, and global warming." Oprah immediately went into her "black accent mode" and riled up the audience, "Y`all lets hear it for tha greatest President that eva wuuuuzzz boyz!" The crowd began screaming wildly cheering and cheering. Oprah then went on to talk about how close this country came to doom, how close "that guy" meaning G.W. Bush (I shudder at writing it`s name), came to being President and how it was so fortunate that the Supreme court did the right thing and ruled that "not have been punched at all chads" counted as a vote for Al Gore.(This was proven when an electron miscroscope magnified the chads at the atomic level and found that indeed some of 
the electrons of some of the atoms had moved, therefore qualifying as a vote for Al Gore). When Oprah also pointed out about how fortunate it was that the Supreme court also ruled that all votes for 
Bush were in fact for Gore because of the severly confusing election machines, saying that it wasn`t fair that people should understand the arrow concept, the President stared blankly at Oprah for a minute then said, "Oh yeah yeah..The arrow concept." Oprah then went on, "I mean who would have known that an arrow pointing to G.W.Bush was a vote for G.W.Bush? How many here would have known that?" said Oprah pointing at the audeince. None of the audience raised their hands. She then thanked everyone for keeping up the election protests, saying it was so close but because "of ya`ll" this mans Presidency is in a lock box ya`ll!" The crowd stomped it`s feet cheering wildly.