Posted on 06/04/2004 11:01:25 AM PDT by Redcoat LI
Brockton vs. Brookline: A beautiful predicament By Howie Carr Recent Columns by Howie Carr Friday, June 4, 2004
Brookline and Brockton - the two Massachusetts communities making national headlines this week.
Brookline, a People's Republic, is considering a no-spanking resolution. Brockton, a banana republic, is worried about an alleged $5-a-trick prostitution ring operating out of a local middle school.
What kind of state are we turning into? Whatever happened to the middle class? Has everyone who's not insane moved to either New Hampshire or Florida?
On the one extreme now, you have the Beautiful People (BP) zones - Brookline, Lexington, Marblehead, Lincoln and Amherst, to name but a few. They're ``domestic-violence free zones.'' They're also ``homes under $1.5 million-free zones.''
On the other hand, you have Brockton, Holyoke, Lawrence, Lynn, etc. If you wonder if your city has tumbled into this class, just ask yourself a simple question: Do your former politicians move out as soon as they leave office, and sometimes a little before?
With this no-spanking resolution, Brookline is reclaiming its status as the capital of BP Massachusetts. It's where the anti-smoking madness began, and let us not forget that it was a native son of Muddy River, Michael Dukakis, who killed happy hours. More recently, they've been trying to ban hand-held cell phones in cars.
What are the tell-tale signs of a town being taken over by Beautiful People? Consider stop signs. In Brockton, they may be occasionally defaced by a stray bullet or two, but you never pull up to an intersection and see, spray-painted under STOP the word WAR, or in this season's version, BUSH.
In a BP town, if you have a barn, you are required to paint a peace sign on it. They have hearings at Town Hall on the removal of each and every tree, not to mention all bad dogs. (Imagine if Brockton had to hold a hearing on every pit bull - all other business at City Hall would come to a halt.)
At least Brockton realizes its limitations. They can't even control cockfighting, let alone nuclear attacks. Cambridge has declared itself a ``nuclear-free'' zone, and if any of you al-Qaeda terrorists let any radiation from a dirty-bomb attack leak across the river, you can expect quite a talking-to by someone from the city's Department of Peace.
One of the nice things about the BP towns is the Common, with its band box, where they have concerts in the summer at dusk. They still do, but now John Philip Sousa is gone - too martial, you understand. Now the BP towns feature ``world music.'' Attendance is down.
For decades, the BP towns had GOP state reps, some townie good-old-boy with an insurance agency. Suddenly, the population tipped, and the local-yokel Republican was replaced by some dour ACLU hag who delivered her maiden speech on the evils of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now she's become a justice of the peace, so she can perform gay ``marriages'' for her lesbian constituents.
No nativity scenes on the Common. Christmas trees aren't even allowed inside Town Hall. If you have more than two kids in tow, expect cold stares from harridans with gray braided hair.
Want to start a beef real quick? Fly Old Glory in your front yard. You want no problems? Raise the U.N. flag.
Coming soon to the BP towns: unisex bathrooms at the public library. Don't want to ``marginalize'' the ``transgendered'' population, do we?
Brockton vs. Brookline. Is there really a choice, at least as long as you can get a gun permit?
( Howie Carr's radio show can be heard weekday afternoons on WRKO-AM 680, WHYN-AM 560, WGAN-AM 560, WEIM-AM 1280 and WXTK 95.1 FM. )
Sounds like the Model New Socialist Community, to me.
For decades, the BP towns had GOP state reps, some townie good-old-boy with an insurance agency. Suddenly, the population tipped, and the local-yokel Republican was replaced by some dour ACLU hag who delivered her maiden speech on the evils of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now she's become a justice of the peace, so she can perform gay ``marriages'' for her lesbian constituents.
Man, he hit the bullseye on that one. "Dour ACLU hag." I like that.
Tag line bump..and appreciation...
If we cordon it off we may be able to stop its spread before it infects the rest of the country........Invasion of the Freedom Snatchers.......
Yes,it's funny if you don't live here.
I live out on 495 now. I used to live near Brookline. I used to do prayer vigils in front of the Planned Parenthood abortuary in Brookline on Saturdays. I remember a lot of one-finger salutes from the "beautiful people."
Another classic from Howie!
I went to school in Boston but never been in Brockton. I had the impression it was a nice bedroom community. In the 88 election Bush I had more votes in Brockton that Dukakis. I have seen Lynn and its a unfortunately a dump. I wonder how Brockton deteriorated to that level.
Lynn, Lynn, city of sin.
That Lexington, Amherst, and Acton (even Acton, Howie?) have become full-scale BP towns isn't surprising, they were always, always on that trajectory. Heck, back in the 80's even little Needham used to host Unitarian anti-nuke rallies on a weekly basis.
Yeah, the sane people do escape to New Hampshire, excluding Portsmouth.
Always? That's a dangerous way to look at things. It leads to tribalism. In that way of thinking, "they" (Northeasterners, Unitarians, Episcopalians, Congregationalists) are always the bad guys even when they were reliably voting Republican. "We" (Southerners, Catholics, Evangelicals, ethnics) are somehow always the good guys, even when our ancestors were voting in the New Deal.
For decades, the BP towns had GOP state reps, some townie good-old-boy with an insurance agency. Suddenly, the population tipped, and the local-yokel Republican was replaced by some dour ACLU hag who delivered her maiden speech on the evils of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now she's become a justice of the peace, so she can perform gay ``marriages'' for her lesbian constituents.
This is quite true and right on target. Some of these towns had more cows than people sixty years ago. A lot of the old state reps were dairy farmers, conscious of the realities of nature and economics. It was suburbanization and the increased influence of ever more liberal universities that made the difference. When the cows went, so did common sense.
As we sit back and talk about it!!! ALL FREEPERS MUST GET ACTIVE!
GOD BLESS!
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