My daughters bought me a special gift, a quirt, normally use for recalcitrant horses. I had it hanging on a wall and merely had to look at it when they got nasty. I never once used it, nor would I have do so, but they always wondered, with nervous laughs how far they could push the envelope. One of them made it a point to see how far she could go to irritate me.
Well I honestly can't complain, we have always had consistent limits with our son, both my wife and me, so he knows we do not threaten..... he is warned, and thats it. He knows if we threaten to do something or punish him we will do it.
Sure, he's like every other kid and pushes on the limits we set for him, but unlike the children of parents who just scream and threaten he knows if he goes to far what the result will be... and unlike all those parents that just scream and threaten, our kid actually behaves and acts as expected.
Love, Patience, Consistency and Discipline are the 4 major components of parenting IMHO... if you are missing ANY of the 4 your child will have issues and problems.... What amazes me how many people want to ignore the 3rd and 4th items and think that overproviding the first 2 will somehow make up for it.... Trust me, It won't.
I can count on maybe 1 hand the number of times I have had to spank my child, never in anger, and always with the understanding that he knows exactly why he is being punished. I never understood the "This will hurt me, more than it hurts you" when my parents would say that as a Child... but believe me, I learned it in spades the first time I knew I had to spank my son.
I can still recall his teary young face pleading not to be.. and how worked up he got himself trying to escape his fate. I forced myself through the 3 taps that certainly caused more stress on me, than on him... I left him there telling him to think about what he had done, reminded him I loved him, and left the room so that he would not see me break down.
I composed myself, returned a few minutes later, talked with him again about why he had to be punished, that I did not like having to do it, and reassured him that his mother and I love him more than he knows. Then I gave him a long deep consoling hug, as he snuggled himself into my lap and apologized and promised not to ever do it again and that he loved me and mommy too... Dispite his still sniffling nose, I think I got more consolation from that Hug than he did.
Doing what is right, is not always doing what is easy. I can say this though, he never did do it again.